Certain mushrooms make you go faster :: Certain mushrooms slow everything down drastically

Peach can crash into a wall and survive :: R.I.P. Princess Diana

The Hammer Brothers do not make an appearance :: I owe Vince and Tony Hammer $200

When you die in Battle Mode, your car turns into a bomb :: Insurgents continue sectarian violence in Iraq

You control if and when lightning strikes :: Our insurance doesn't cover structure fires

Peach and Daisy are two choices to be your driver :: Women can't drive

Your remaining life is measured on a scale of three balloons:: Now all we can do for Aunt Paula is wait and pray

If you fall off the road, a nearsighted turtle driving a cloud will pick you back up with fishing line :: The turtle is farsighted

Get up for a snack, and the monkey you're controlling will sit perfectly still :: What did I tell you about leaving the monkey unsupervised, even for a second?

I'm unbeatable :: My dad works nights and kids at school call me Fat-tard