By Vince Eckert

In the wake of diminished sales on Broadway, producers have been forced to turn to edgier musicals like “Avenue Q” and “Sweeney Todd”. But I've got better ideas…

Real Gruff- In the original Three Billy Goats Gruff, three goats outwit a bridge-guarding troll by successively promising him bigger goats. In the musical version, the goats are replaced by drug dealers, while the troll is assumed to represent society. Their interactions remain the same. In the end, the troll becomes addicted to song.

Parole Board- The fate of real singing and dancing prisoners is put in the hands of an audience. While the nature of their crimes is taken into account, it’s used solely to determine the order of the acts. Despite this, the worst criminals, who are coincidently the best performers, are never released.

The Refrigerator- Puppets made to look like all your favorite condiments exhort their brand names while duking it out as gang war comes to the kitchen. Salt spills and ketchup flows to a gritty urban soundtrack. Because in the ‘fridge, it’s all about getting paid.

Catastrophe!- A big rock crashes into the stage, causing a major electrical fire that in turn sets off the sprinklers. Otherwise, it’s a pretty standard rendition of Oklahoma!.

War- Young people musically explore their sexuality through several different card games, including pinochle, bridge, and war. While there’s nothing explicitly said about sex, you know what’s going down.