Ethan: The MLB trade deadline passed yesterday, and the biggest name to change hands plays basketball, not baseball. Is this a plot by David Stern to make us forget the gambling scandal? Because if so, it's working. Celts automatically a 50-win team, and thereby good enough to win the East, now?
Amir: They are good enough to make the NBA Finals, but I doubt they will. This year at least. The big three are a great start, but the other teams in the east all have strong guards. Who is going to stop Dwyane Wade and Chauncy Billups? Delonte West or Rajon Rondo?
Ethan: They're probably the second-best team 1-3 in the league behind the Suns and perhaps the worst team 4-12.
Amir: Okay I just double-checked and they don't even have Delonte West. So it's on you Rondo! 48 minutes a game. Every game.
Ethan: Rondo could use his alien-like appearance and freakishly large hands into scaring opponents into turnovers, but other than that, their point guard is a glaring weakness. Hell, Reggie Lewis' corpse could make this team.
Amir: It's true, any time Brian Scalabrine is going to be a key piece, you're in a red-haired mess of trouble. But I'm sure they could get a veteran guard or two chasing a championship.
Ethan: And nobody chases a championship quite like Gary Payton. He'll be anybody's sidekick if it means getting another ring. Even Shawn Kemp's! You think Celts fans are going to be missing Ryan Gomes?
Amir: Definitely not. As a Celtics fan you'd take KG, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and nine NBDL players over last year's roster.
Ethan: I'm waiting for the merger of the Celtics and either the Sioux Falls Skyforce or the Fort Wayne Mad Ants.
Amir: You gotta hand it to Danny Ainge. He's moving players around like it's a fantasy team. Unfortunately the NBA is a keeper league. If the Celtics don't win by 2009, their 2010 team is going to look worse than their 2006 team. With no draft picks to help them out.
Ethan: Ray Allen is going to be shooting three's well into his forties and you know it.
Amir: If you are T Wolves fan though is the best you could get just Al Jefferson, four scrubs and two draft picks? What happened to Marion? What happened to Odom and Bynum? Why did this turn into a garage sale?
Ethan: I think it's not so bad for the Wolves Al Jefferson is really good and could be a star, Ryan Gomes is a pretty capable role player, Sebastian Telfair has some acting experience and is good with a gun, Theo Ratliff remembers when William Howard Taft was President these aren't just skills you can pick up on the street. Well, most streets, anyway. If they could still have gotten Odom/Bynum, though, they should have. But remember, Kevin McHale is not smart.
Amir: Can you imagine how depressing the T-Wolves conference was? Hey guys, hold up your jerseys! This picture is going to make us big! Where are the photographers? And the reporters for that matter?
Ethan: Quit crying, Al! You're a franchise player now! How about the MLB trade deadline? At least some big names changed hands this year.
Amir: Can you explain to me why the Red Sox went after Gagne? Other than hoping to keep him in a shed away from the Yankees?
Ethan: You can't have too many good relievers. Or too many injury-prone formerly dominant closers. They had to keep the Yankees from getting him, and he gives them a great option for the eighth inning. Okajima's been great, too, but put him in the seventh and Gagne in the eight with Delcarmen available earlier in playoff games that's pretty terrifying for opponents. I like that their bullpen now has a Canadian and a Japanese setup guy; whether or not they win the World Series, they're going to dominate at Model U.N. Thoughts on the Braves' dealings?
Amir:If you have to give up a guy with fourteen letters in his last name, make sure you get a first baseman with almost as many letters back. It's a huge upgrade for them; if everyone stays healthy they can now compete with the Mets. Of course, asking Chipper to stay healthy is like asking him to keep his hands to himself at Hooters.
Ethan: Tex is going to be huge for them. He's a second-half player, and most people don't know how good he is since he's been trapped in Texas. The Dotel pickup is another good one for the Braves. Of course, the thing that sucks is that between these acquisitions and the Phillies' rampant injuries, I think the Phils are toast. Oh, well, at least we traded for Mateo to give us two bullpen options with domestic violence in their past. Tom Gordon and Ryan Madsen had better at least threaten their wives if they want to stay with the team. Worst deal of the day?
Amir: Easy: Matt Morris to the Pirates. Is Pittsburgh's entire front office drunk? How else does a non-contender end up with the huge contract of a washed-up starter they don't need? Their front office is like the guy who comes home on a Friday night and starts drunkenly Facebooking dozens of girls until one will hook up with him. Eventually one does, and you wake up in the morning next to Matt Morris, smelling his rank breath and swearing never again.
Ethan: Is there somewhere you can sign dignity to a minor-league deal? And will it count against the luxury tax? How about the NFL news? Culpepper to your Silver and Black! They're ready to compete for the 2004 title now.
Amir: It's a shame him and Randy couldn't reunite, but unfortunately nobody wants to be an Oakland Raider for more than two seasons at a time.
Ethan: I like that they're willing to play hardball with JaMarcus Russell. "You don't want to sign? Fine. We'll go get an older, shittier, injury-prone version of you! He can throw from his knees, too. In fact, he has to. He can't stand up under his own power."
Amir: I can just imagine him in a wheelchair: "GET YOUR ROLL ON!"
Ethan: The Giants are dealing with Strahan almost as well. "Okay, hold out. We're not the ones with an expensive divorce to finance, and we're not going to roll over for you like Brett Favre." Also in the news, the Jags signed Tim Couch. Sales of #2 Jacksonville jerseys soar. Thoughts?
Amir: Like you said about the Red Sox, you can never have enough crappy quarterbacks right? Don't they have better things to worry about than adding another hat to the three man race to become starting quarterback? Besides, if Couch beats out Leftwich, Gararrd, and Quinn Gray, isn't that officially a hate crime?
Ethan: It certainly shows that Jack Del Rio hates his fans. Got an interesting fact for us this week?
Amir: This one comes straight out of the richest source of interesting facts: Jose Mesa's Wikipedia page. "Mesa claims to have been born in 1966, and yet he has a child who was born when Mesa was 13 years old.  This observation has caused many to question Mesa's reported age. On June 10, 2007 sportscaster John Clark of NBC10 Philadelphia reported on the TV show Sports Final that he had uncovered documents indicating that Mesa was in fact 47 years old. This would make Mesa one of the oldest active players currently in baseball and the oldest active pitcher today."
Ethan: Sorry, Julio Franco. At least you never blew the World Series for the Indians or threatened to kill Omar Vizquel.
Amir: At least not yet.
Ethan: Until next week, Free Mike Vick!
Amir: Remember, dogs: he can beat you with his arms AND his legs!