School is just a few weeks away, and for some people, its already here. If your school is like mine, you get a few days before the classes start up to just chill out and have a good time, and what better way to spend that time than to go hunting….FEMALE hunting that is! Here's some good advice to all you fellas out there that needthat back-to-school power fuck.


A great day to scope out the ladies that will be living a couple of floors away. When you see a good looker, you have a few great options at your disposal depending on what your potential poke is into. If she's sporting the Abercrombie or Hollister wardrobe and a South of the Border tan, then you'll want to say something like:

"Hey, could you help me with my box of expensive tanning products?"

I know, you're thinking, "Hey, ass face, what if i don't have a box of that shit?" Just say that you must have lost it while off-roading with all of your frat bros in your Jeep Wrangler on the way here. She'll understand.

If your intercourse interest looks like the normal, not gonna go anywhere near my ass type, then woo her by saying:

"Excuse me, I seemed to have left my Extended, Special Edition, Widescreen Version of Sixteen Candles at home. You wouldn't happen to have one I could borrow, would you?"

Again, you're probably saying, "I don't want that gay movie, jiz trap!" Take one for the team. It shows you're into classic chick flicks, and you two share an unhealthy obsession with Molly Ringwald. You'll be laying pipe in no time.

Finally, you could see that hot but nerdy girl just waiting for a good stiff rogering. If you come across one of these diamonds, close the deal with:

"Have you seen my Han Solo poster anywhere?"

You won't even need to explain your lack of Harrison Ford goodness later because she's going to forget all about it after you're done with her.


If youfailed toscore the opening day lay, don't worry. You can use the Internet towork on all the female friends you should have made by now, and by the Internetof course I mean Facebook. If you haven't already added them, do so immediately! Try to show them that you're interested but not in the way that you're watching them right now. Invite them to join a group of yours, or give them a good ol' "poke." Write on walls, and ask them if they'd like to accompany you to a casual get together involving keg-stands. Whatever you do, just be smooth, and don't show nervousness. If she shows interest and agrees to the get together, get her ass to the drinks and pump her full of them! Afterwards, the real "poking" should commence.


Should you not prefer the cyber-stalking and wish to go for the "I'll never see you again tango" then neighborhood parties are your niche. Be selective of your parties, though. Look for the parties that resemble a fully stocked pond rather than a secluded creek. Go where the fish will bite, and remember, the fish swim where there's plenty to drink. Hit the parties where there's no less than 7 kegs for a sure home run. This means there will be plenty of booze to soak up any inhibitions that may be floating around. You won't even need a good pick-up line, just something like:

"Hey, you looked really hot falling off the back porch a little while ago."

If she's liquored up enough, she'll ask if she looks hot falling on your bed!

Just keep these pointers in mind and you should be waking up your roommate in no time! If in the event that you don't get laid with my advice, forget it. Its just not meant to be.