1) Most things involving fingernails are bad for your eyes.

2) Anal sex is in fact a safer alternative to smoking.

3) In a study conducted in 2004, it was conclusively shown that no dogs have ever gone to heaven.

4) Red-headed girls are immune to Herpes Simplex Type 2.

5) A slight curve in your penis is readily remedied by a fierce, sudden bend in the opposite direction.

6) The best way to cure a mysterious, potentially life-threatening illness is to ignore it.

7) Or, alternately, to give it to someone else.

8) Broccoli, like babies, does not re-hydrate easily.

9) Legally speaking, it’s only “date rape” if you take her out to dinner first.

10) After decades of exhaustive research, scientists have determined that it hurts to be kicked in the balls.

11) God created modern fraternities for the sole purpose of disproving evolution theories.

12) The only proven method of increasing penis size is lying about it.

13) As a form of birth control, Kirsten Dunst is even more effective than abstinence.

14) Masturbation burns calories; therefore, the addition of it to any other form of exercise can only be beneficial.

15) After further testing, it appears that masturbating while doing a bench press is not beneficial to one’s health.

16) Consuming large amounts of alcohol counteracts the negative physiological effects of illicit drugs.

17) Apparently, the “ten second” rule does not apply to things dropped in a public restroom.

18) “Fisting” is a potentially disappointing way to describe two women fighting.

19) He’ll never truly respect you as an individual until you swallow.

20) Of the two funny Jewish women who talk about sex, Dr. Ruth is only slightly less bangable than Mindy Raf.