Me: Flicks off other motorists,honking loudly.
Jesus: Thinks horns are angelic trumpets heralding his coming, wanders into street trying to part the traffic and gets hit by a U-Haul.
Me: Yells at my roommate.
Jesus: Doesn't speak English.
Me: Bottled water.
Jesus: Bottled wine.
At The Movies:
Me: Talks loudly on cell phone, irritating everyone.
Jesus: Doesn't understand technology involved, stands up and starts proclaiming, "Beelzebub, depart this place!" Has to be escorted out.
Jesus wouldn't do this.
Me: Blasts stereo, mutters angrily.
Jesus: Forgives roommate's sins, but in a vaguely passive-aggressive way.
Roommate Fails To Clean Bathroom:
Me: Removes roommate's clothes from bathroom while roommate is showering.
Jesus: After overcoming initial amazement at indoor plumbing, tries to walk on roommate's bubble bath.
Only One Cookie Left:
Me: Eats it.
Jesus: Miraculously divides the cookie into thousands more cookies. Uses them to cure world hunger.
Hasn't Studied For Final Exam:
Jesus: Gets answers from God.
2008 Presidential Election: