Gary and his wife Cynthia are perusing a jewelry store.
Cynthia: What a lovely bracelet! Oh Gary, you know how I love sapphires, and our anniversary is only a few weeks away!
Gary: The price is wrong, bitch.
Gary's son Ethan has just given up a walk-off home run in his Little League game.
Gary: Oops, you did it again, son. You cost us the game. OOH BABY BABY!!
Gary's oldest son Kyle was dumped by his girlfriend of two months.
Kyle: I just don't know what to do, Dad. None of the girls I date seem to be interested in a long-term relationship.
Gary: Hey son, you're a rock star. So get the show on, and get laid. Or something like that.
Ethan is upset about his body image.
Ethan: Everyone at school keeps teasing me, calling me girly and wussy.
Gary: Word to your mother.
Kyle's band was booed off the stage at a local club.
Kyle: We're never gonna make it big-time. We sucked up there last night.
Gary: I was there booing too, son. Your band just needs a little MORE COWBELL!! That should cover up your shortcomings on the bass.
Gary and Cynthia are having a serious conversation about their family's future.
Cynthia: I think we should get a divorce.
Gary: Don't go there girlfriend! Snaps
Cynthia: See, this is why!! You never take anything seriously.
Gary: Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't wanna hear it no more. Snaps again
Kyle is questioning his sexuality.
Kyle: I think I might be gay.
Gary: Life is like a box of chocolates, Kyle. You have to get a regular, wholesome, Roman Catholic piece, because you're allergic to nuts.
Cynthia is driving on the freeway with the family, on their way to Cape Cod.
Cynthia slams on the brakes and pulls onto the shoulder as cars wildly swerve to avoid their 1995 Ford Taurus.
Cynthia: Why are we stopping?!?!