7:00 a.m.  Alarm goes off.  Got to get up early to hit the books!
7:01  Hit snooze for two more hours
9:01  Alrite now, gotta get up and read some philosophy
9:02  Snooze for two more hours
11:02  Ok, seriously, wake the fuck up.  This stuff isn’t gonna study itself
11:06  Check instant messages, e-mail, Facebook, away messages, then Facebook again
11:20  Open notebook, realize that you have piss-poor notes
11:21  Go on Facebook to find that girl in your class who seems pretty smart
11:23  Man, she’s pretty hot…
11:24  Masturbate
11:28  IM that girl to see if you can get the notes.  She’s all the way across campus.  Shit
11:32  Call friends to see if they want to get some food
11:55  Walk over to the cafeteria
12:02 p.m.  Masticate
12:35  Head over to girl’s room.  Make sure to eliminate any accidental boners
12:44  Walk into her room.  She’s even hotter than her Facebook pictures.  Plus she smells like lilacs
12:45  Misinterpret request to “take a seat” for “take your shirt off”
12:46  Flee from her room before she calls Campus Safety
12:53  Get back to your room, check instant messages, e-mail, Facebook, away messages, then Facebook twice more
1:02  Pick up the textbook and try to take notes. 
1:03  Man, what if she responded to your advances?  That woulda been pretty hot…
1:04  Masturbate
1:09  Try to take more notes
1:14  After three lines of notes, reward yourself with a little Guitar Hero 2
2:30  You beat “Freebird” on Expert!  Call friend from back home and tell him all about it
2:58  Review notes
2:59  Take seven more lines of notes
3:03  Check instant messages and Facebook to see if that girl has reconsidered
3:04  Masturbate
3:10  Take a nap to recharge the batteries
6:00  Hit snooze for another hour
7:00  Open up notes only to realize that you are starving
7:02  Call friends to see if they want to get some food
7:10  Head over to friend’s apartment and order a pizza
7:15  Drink a few beers to kill the time
8:20  Devour pizza between beer pong games
11:00  Stumble back to your room to cram in some serious studying
11:01  Check instant messages, Facebook, e-mail, away messages, then Facebook fourteen more times
11:10  Review ten lines of notes; be overcome with false sense of         accomplishment
11:13  Watch TV until falling asleep
9:00 a.m. next morning  Fail test; blame professor