I swear to God you guys, she said that. Seriously, you don’t understand how much I need this. Just do this one thing for me, you know I’d do it for you. Check this out.

 
100 likes I get the threesome

 
150 likes and it gets to be with another girl

 
200 likes and I post pictures of it

 
300 likes and she won’t tell people I hit her

 
400 likes and I can have Amir Blumenfeld videotape it


450 likes and Jeff Rubin will videotape Amir videotaping it, and we'll post it on CollegeHumor

 
500 likes and she’ll respect me

 
550 likes and I get anal.

 
I’m not playing around here you guys. Come on, don’t be a dick about this. If this update gets just 50 likes she’ll stop calling me “limp-dick” in front of all her friends. 75 likes and she’ll shave her legs. Please you guys.

 
1000 likes and she will date me for 4 more years then marry me

 
1200 likes and she will bear me three sons and name each one after me

 
1300 likes and we'll send them to private school

 
And if I get even 20 likes she said I can stick my thumb in her ass. I’m not messing with you. Why haven't you liked this yet?