Dad: So, do you guys wanna start opening up presents?
My Brother: Absolutely.
Mom: Ok, why don’t you go first Steven. Here’s one for you.
Me: Sweet, a Nintendo Wii! Thanks a lot! Here mom, open this one. It’s from me.
Mom: Oh, wow…look at this…an ornament with your school’s logo on it…thanks.
Me: Why don’t you put it on the tree now?
Mom: No, let’s save it for next year…it’s too…special.
Me: That’s fine.
My Brother: Here Steve, open this up.
Me: Oh awesome, Arrested Development DVDs. Thanks! Open this one up.
My Brother: Ok, let’s see what we have here…ahhh, a t-shirt with the name of your school on it. Great…this will go great with the shorts you got me for my birthday…
Me: No problem.
Dad: Alright, open this one up Steven. I think you’ll like it.
Me: Wow, baseball stuff! Thanks Dad!
Dad: You’re welcome.
Me: Here, I got this for you.
Dad: I wonder what it could be…it’s a…polo shirt…that says Santa Clara Dad on it. Wow, this is a lot better than the one you got me last year. This one’s red.
Me: I know, right!
Dad: (Muttered) You’re a horrible son…
Me: What’s that?
Dad: I said, “You’re a…deplorable…son.” Wait, that’s no good either. Shit. Get me another whiskey sour.