Dear College Student Who Watches SpongeBob SquarePants, But Only to Bring It Up In Conversation,

So I notice you're watching SpongeBob, SquarePants! That is so funny because it is a show that is not typical of someone your age to be entertained by, which is quite humorous! What's that? You are going to sing the theme song for me, proving that you know the fine details of the program which can only be explained by the fact that you watch it every day?! Oh, that's rich. Rich, I tell you.

It's just so dang ironic because most people your age do not watch that type of programming but here you are freely admitting —nay, boasting— about it! You surely get my admiration by showing strong self-confidence when it comes to your opinions in television. Ha! SpongeBob, SquarePants! What a riot!

And you say you really find it entertaining? It's still so hard to believe, being that it is meant for children! You, my friend, are too much. Wait… you also like Bob the Builder?!? Oh, you are an absolute hoot!

Hoping you die slowly,

Jake Klocksien