Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
New Ways To Give The Finger
December 14, 2006
The Douchebag Society has released their much-anticipated Elaborate New Ways To Give Someone The Finger List for '07. Let's take a look!
The Snake Charmer
Make a fist with your left hand and hold it, knuckles out, in front of your chest. Grab your Punji flute in your right hand and begin to play traditional Indian snake charming music. Rock the Punji side to side as you play.
Slowly raise the middle finger of your left hand, also rocking side to side, until it is fully extended.
The Bad Reception
Make a fist with your right hand and hold it to your right ear. Act as if you are in the midst of a phone call.
Then pretend as if you have run into an area of weak signal strength and the quality of your phone call is suffering. Perhaps saying, “What? What? I can’t hear you,” will help illustrate your dilemma. Next, say, “Hold on, let me put antenna up.” With your left hand, grab the tip of the middle finger on your right hand and raise it to its full extension.
Finally, with your middle finger still extended, say to your enemy, “He wants to talk to you” and hand over your "phone." The best part is, there's nobody on the "phone," it's just your middle finger in his retarded face! Count It!
The Usual Suspects
Make a fist with your hand and hold it about a foot in front of your face. Raise your pinky, look at if for a second, shake your head and say, “No, no that’s not the guy.”
Next, raise your ring finger and repeat the previous steps.
Do the same for your middle finger.
Next, raise your index finger and exclaim,
, go back to that last guy.” Lower your index finger and raise your middle finger again. Say, “I missed it the first time around but that's him. That’s the guy. I’d recognize that Fuck You anywhere.”
Lower both your arms to the side of your body and extend your middle fingers. Slowly, and with a lot of feigned effort, raise both arms as if curling a barbell.
For added effect shout out some ‘pump me up’ phrases such as, “
!,” “That’s it, that’s it, you’re almost there!,” and “
!” You Showed Him!
The Malfunctioning Wolverine
Assume a bellicose posture, as if about to engage in fisticuffs with a super-being. Say something macho from the greater Wolverine vernacular. “It’s payback time, bub,” would be a good choice.
At this point, bend your arms and then quickly extend them as if you are causing your adamantium claws to shoot forth from your hands. Also at this point, extend your middle fingers. Say, “Oh no, only two of my claws are working!” and hold up your extended middle fingers to your enemy’s face.
Extend the index and middle fingers of your right hand and spread them apart.
Make index say, “I love you.” Middle should reply with, “I love you, let’s get married.” At this point bring your two fingers together so that they are snuggly fitted against each other.
Say, “Awwww, how nice.” But there's trouble in paradise Slowly separate them as you ad lib a fight between them until they have returned to their starting positions.
Finally, make index say, “I’m leaving you, Middle. I’m leaving you and I’m never coming back!” Lower your index finger, leaving your middle finger extended alone.
Say, “Fuck you,” as if calling after index. Then look into the eyes of your victim and say, “No, fuck
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.