Dear readers,

The following are ten fun facts I learned at my first ever country concert (Little Big Town w/ the Wreckers), that I attended last Saturday w/ my roomie Kyle. Merry x-mas buddy!!

1) Cowboy hats are completely acceptable concert attire, and oddly, so are lavish scarves that have been taken from a complete stranger.

2) Cowboy hats are also frequently stolen items, and scarves tied too tightly may have to be cut off one's neck w/ a knife that is being precariously held by a fellow drunk.

3) In the event of an especially large concert that has had many tickets sold, male concert-goers must piss outside in four handy porta-johns, while female concert-goers get 2 indoor bathrooms. If that isn't sexist, I don't know what is.

4) Female bathroom attendants (especially the gray-haired, 60+ yrs. variety) are a mean & nasty lot who don't take too well to being startled, and are very protective of their place of work.

5) Male bathroom attendants, on the other hand, are very polite & courteous, even when you don't tip them, and just steal their peppermints in a drunken stupor.

6) Just because a 40+ yr. old woman is married and has 3 kids, doesn't mean she still won't blatantly hit on you and buy you drinks. Thanks Ann!!

7) Given the right lighting and appropriate level of alcohol, I can successfully pass for a 25 yr. old, especially if the person who believes my lie is extremely intoxicated. Thanks again Ann!!

8) Even at country concerts, there will always be some ignorant asshole w/ a bleach-blonde, too tan, wrinkle-skinned girlfriend, who doesn't like people stepping in front of (or next to, or around, or close by, etc.) him to get closer to the stage.

9) Grumpy old men, like those mentioned above, really don't like being hugged by obnoxious drunks who are out to embarass them in front of their whorish girlfriends. Let's just call this one a hunch.

10) Enough cheap beer can make everything more fun, even country concerts!!

Todays top ten has been brought to you by the letter F, the letter U, and the number 69. Happy holidays everyone and a very Merry Christmas!! Mahalo.