Hey…hey guys, check out this hat! Haha. What's cookin' good lookin'? Brotha, can ya spare a dime? So funny. Oh man, can you believe, like, our grandfathers wore this kind of retarded hat around for real? Man, how they managed to find girls willing to bone them is beyond me! Why I oughta! Haha. Oh man, I can't believe this was just laying around! This hat is so mine.

Two days later
Oh dude, remember that hat I found the other day? I was wearing it this morning and…yeah, I just, like, laid it on my bedside table last night and then put it on when I woke up or whatever…and it makes my hair do this awesome flippy thing. No, I'm not gay, dickhead, I'm just saying. See how my hair is kind of flipping out today? It's from wearing that hat. Chrissy said it looked good, too. I mean, yeah, that hat is gay as sh*t, but you can't deny my hair looks straight slamming today.

Three days later
Oh man, it looks like it's gonna rain. Good thing I brought my hat today! Yeah, the one I found last week. Am I wearing it for real? Haha, no! It's just really good for the rain because the brim goes all the way around. Like, I normally wear a baseball hat in the rain but this is way better. I guess our grandpas weren't so dumb after all!

Two days later
Yeah, lemme get a hot dog and a coke and make sure…Oh, hey guys. What's up? The hat? Oh yeah, whatever, I just threw it on today. No, not as a joke. I kind of like it, ok? Seriously, you guys should broaden your world view. There's a whole universe of hats we haven't been wearing because societal pressure from our peers forces us to conform to the baseball hat status qu…Oh, yeah, no doubt. You guys are in a rush, I'll catch up with you later.

One week later
Alright, ya turkeys, listen here and listen good. One word outta any of yous about my bowler here and it's lights out, got it! I'll give any a yous a knuckle sandwich your muddas will taste. No foolin'!