Ethan: He did it! He hit a home run!
Amir: I wanted to read a recap of the game where Barry says "You know, I got the record today, but we lost, and that's all that matters."
Ethan: "The home runs are nice, but if we don't get that W "Seriously, does anyone think this is a valid record?
Amir: The floating disembodied video head of Hank Aaron does.
Ethan: Why does anyone even care? It's not like steroids are the only thing different in the league now from when Hank Aaron was playing. There are more teams, and thus crappier pitchers make it to the league. You can't buy Bread records on vinyl at any local record store.
Amir: I think people care because he's cheating. My question is why did Bud Selig go to a dozen Giants games then decide to miss this one?
Ethan: I hear either him or a representative of his staff will watch the highlghts on ESPN.com
Amir: "Frank! I can't get this flash thing to load! HELP ME!"
Ethan: He's had what, two years, to plan how handle this situation, and that's the best he could come up with? What were his other choices? Trying to kill Barry with kindness? Because I think you could do that by slashing his throat with a Hallmark card. Do you think Barry heard the crowd's reaction and thought, "So this is what it's like to win the Tour de France "?
Amir: I really wonder what will happen when this is all over. Does he get arrested? Do his home runs get discounted? Jose Canseco admitted to taking steroids and his records still stands. Most games played with a mullet and a cut off tee: a million.
Ethan: That's what I'm saying, though. Does it even matter if the record is still "in the book?" When was the last time you went to the official MLB record book for a question? If you think Bonds cheated, then you're still allowed to consider Aaron the homer king. Bud Selig can't control what you think; he's not as powerful as David Stern. Even worse quandary, though: does this mean we have to cheer for ARod to break the record now?
Amir: I feel bad for Bud who now has to attend the next 450 Yankees games.
Ethan: I liked that when a grad student caught A-Rod's 500th HR, the asking price for the ball was said to be $100 grand, and A-Rod balked at that. As a grad student myself, I'd definitely look to cash in on that ball, and A-Rod's unwillingness to pay that much is hilarious since he made more than a hundred grand just to play in that game.
Amir: Who needs cash when you can get this SICK CLEMENS JERSEY! "Actually, that's a Phillip Hughes jersey." "You sure?" "Yup. I can see. There's a giant 65 on the back." "So?" "That's his number. Clemens is 22." "All right, all right, you got me."
Ethan: "Oh, man, I'm so tapped for cash right now but if you go out and buy a jersey, I bet I can get Clemens to sign it for you. Maybe. BYOSharpie."
Amir:I really hope that when A-Rod throws a party he asks his friends to chip in at the end to help with booze.
Ethan: "You guys know I bought that Chimay for you I would have been fine with High Life I'm going to pass the cup around again, let's all contribute this time "
Amir: At the end of the party the cup is filled with 37 million dollars in incentives. Good thing you invited Rangers owner Tom Hicks!
Ethan: Now, to win a Cy Young award and trigger that clause The first college football coaches' poll is out; what do you think?
Amir: Florida who lost 9 defensive starters and their starting QB, but they're still ranked third?
Ethan: I'm with you on that one, but somewhere Urban Meyer's furiously campaigning to get them moved up to number two. I'm intrigued by West Virginia. They've got the most fun offense to watch in the country with White and Slaton, and they play in a horribly top-heavy conference. If they can get past Louisville and Rutgers, their schedule is cake. Put it this way: three of their first six opponents have a compass direction in their name.
Amir: Southern Cal. Northern Arizona. Eastern Carolina. Case Western Reserve. They're all the same! Any other surprises?
Ethan: Look at the end of the "Also Receiving Votes" list. See anything unusual? Oh, yes, Duke received a vote. I guess one of the voters saw some reason for optimism from a team that's won one game the last two seasons. That or Bobby Bowden's sense of humor is going with his age. Speaking of old coaches, what do you think about Paterno potentially coaching from the booth?
Amir: The view is so beautiful They look like ants. Ants losing to Notre Dame
Ethan: Has he really been "coaching" that much recently? Watch him during a Penn State game. He doesn't wear a headset. He doesn't really talk to the other coaches. He kind of stalks up and down the sideline and occasionally smacks players on the butt when they come out of the game. It doesn't look like he's really all that involved in the in-game decision. Pretty soon he'll be able to start coaching from a nursing home. Just stick him near a TV in the day room and let him add to his career victories total.
Amir: At least he's near a practice field, which is more than you can say for JaMarcus Russell, Larry Johnson, Asante Samuel
Ethan: Would you be all that eager to officially become a Raider? I wouldn't. As for LJ, I can understand it. If Herm Edwards is just going to keep running him over and over again until he gets killed, he should get some more dough. At the rate he's carrying the ball, he'll last like two more seasons. You play. To win. The Game. Or, Failing That. To Blow Out. LJ's Knees.
Amir: Aren't you happy Brady Quinn finally signed, though? We've joked here before about how ugly Charlie Frye is, but Jesus, Derek Anderson is an even uglier Browns QB. You think Brady Quinn will be Drew Brees or Drew Bledsoe?
Ethan: Is J.D. Drew an option? Closer to Brees, eventually. I liked that he had the gall to hold out even after sitting there publicly in the draft room and being told that nobody wanted him. Kind of tough to play hardball when you've sat there like a kid who's about to start crying on national TV.
Amir: I feel bad for LJ. He and Quinn were working out together, now Brady is leaving him. That bunk bed is so much more lonely without a bottom
Ethan: If you want to feel bad for someone, feel bad for Jamal Lewis. After all he's been through:Prison, signing with the Browns SI goes and slaps him on last week's cover. Rick Reilly, have you no shame? This guy doesn't even need your curse. The real gods have already taken care of that. Or Joey Porter, who just had arthroscopic knee surgery. You just know the doctor waited for him to get drugged and then yelled, "SMASH MOUTH SURGERY!" in his comatose face.
Amir: Is it football season yet? August is sports cancer.
Ethan: Soon. It's this or start caring about MLS. I swear this is better. Got an interesting fact?
Amir: From the wonderful world of home runs: Three times in his career Babe Ruth hit more home runs then he gave up as a pitcher. Will that record ever be broken? I hear Ryan Howard has a nasty slider.
Ethan: If Tony LaRussa keeps drinking heavily enough to let his position players pitch, several of them will break it. Scott Spiezio and Aaron Miles are both on pace for this season. The best part about that record, which Jayson Stark on ESPN.com mentioned, is that in one of those season Ruth threw like 300 innings. Keep drinking, kids.
Amir: Until next week, I hear David Beckham is looking to save another sport this week. Smart money is on Equestrian.
Ethan:Don't sleep on snooker.