Let's face it. There are certain jokes that were funny or clever when they were thought up, but just get old after a few years of overuse and deadpan abuse (I'm a poet and I didn't even
you get the idea). Some of the most recent visitors to Joke Hell:
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings!"
Yeah, like my dad? You bitch. Have you ever been to an AA meeting? Have you ever even been drunk, or do you just like to drink two vodka tonics on Thursdays at Club Whorebag as an excuse to fuck that greasy guido who's been rubbing his erection on your ass for the past hour and a half?
I'm starting a petition to build a lake around your sorority house, and call it Whore Island. Don't worry, you'll get off soon. I'll start a petition to build a ferry just as soon as I feel like contracting HPV from you.
"But wait," you might be saying. "I thought these jokes were supposed to have been funny at first, as opposed to never. He's always just been a racist who's been trying to make bank off the successful TV show model popularized by Dave Chappelle. Also, I don't know that a man can also be a joke." That might be a good point. I might respond with a reasonable argument such as: fuck you, who's writing this article? You or me? That's right bitch. Now go make me a grilled cheese. With some mustard. Mmm.
"You're the man now dog!"
Sweet website. Really, it's entertaining, user-driven, constantly updated everything we expect from a great modern website.
That said, if one more parroting illegitimate bastard yells that phrase at his ultimate frisbee teammate after a touchdown, or goal, or whatever the fuck it is they score in ultimate frisbee (Can you score? Maybe the winner is just whoever is still high by the end of the game, which sounds like fun to me) I'm going to kill him. I'm going to murder his ass in cold blood because he's an idiot and I hate him and I wish daddy hadn't hit me.
"I'm failing school because of facebook!"
No you're not. You're failing college because of one of several scenarios. 1) You're just an idiot. Sorry. 2) You smoke pot. Every day. For breakfast. 3) Your ADD-addled brain is so used to not concentrating on anything for more than five seconds that you actually do check facebook every twelve minutes but if it weren't for facebook you'd probably just be looking to see if there's an update on your favorite dog fetish site. Go ahead, thank facebook for making sure the FBI hasn't broken through your door yet.
Anything pertaining to Sexy or the fact that it is apparently "Back"
Do I really have to convince you of this? I mean, you've got to be sick of it too by now. You have to be. Right?