The Best Friend – This is your pal, your buddy, your go-to-guy. He’s the one who is always ready to party when you are, is always prepared to bail you out of any situation and constantly vigilant for any signs of a possible sporting argument. You helped each other through Spanish 201. You met him early and have been tight ever since. He’s been there all the good, bad and incredibly sloppy nights. He knows every girl you’ve hooked-up with and how you really feel about them.

The Good: Well, it is always good to have someone watching your back at parties and whatnot.

The Bad: He’ll hook-up with your younger sister the night she arrives for a visit.

The Ugly: When you run for political office, you will have two options – make him your number two or kill him. Sorry, but that’s the deal.


The Best Girl – You probably saw this relationship going in another direction. More specifically, down to hook-up town. But you are still friends and that’s all that matters…damn bitch. While its good to have guy friends, at least one girl is necessary to talk you up among the female population of the school. She will make sure that you looks somewhat presentable and when your scruff is reaching “hobo” levels and the best friend insists on “growing it out.”

The Good: She will make sure that every girl you are interested in knows what a “sensitive guy” you really are.

The Bad: She knows your deepest inner secrets and is a member of the opposite sex – what are the chances those will stay hidden for long?

The Ugly: You will probably go through your college career sure that you will end up with her only to discover that on graduation day, your time has run out. Time to start a life of settling for less.

The Random Hook-up – This person you will meet in a house, room or apartment while you are both completely trashed. You will hook-up at least once. You will only call them while you are drunk and they will probably only pick-up when they are drunk. You will completely ignore each other when walking around campus during daylight hours.

The Good: A solid hook-up person with no commitment is a great thing in college.

The Bad: Please see films such as Swim Fan and Fatal Attraction. Some people are crazy.

The Ugly: This is probably the person you will learn later in life becomes a millionaire or powerful ceo/politican. Yep, you blew it and you both know it.


The Strange Person Everybody Knows but Nobody Knows – You’ll see him or her around campus all the time. You might even have a class with them. But aside from their name or nickname and all the information contained in their facebook profile, you will have no idea about who this person really is. Maybe they randomly run everywhere, look like a famous person or never wear shoes. Yes, Urban legend will abound about this persons past and present activities, but they will only be famous because of the publics lack of knowledge about their strangeness.

The Good: Always a solid conversation topic.

The Bad: Could be secretly be an axe murderer.

The Ugly: “It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again.”

“That Guy” – You will eventually meet “that guy.” Hell, you might even be “that guy.” Honestly – you will know who he is the moment you meet him. He’s the sort of guy who drops his pants in the middle of a party while wearing aviators and a popped polo. He’s the dude who goes to the gym in underamour and a sweat band. He’s the guy who walks to the shower naked. The guy who knocks over an entire table worth of drinks. Yes, we all know or have been a “that guy.”

The Good: If you see a “that guy,” you will know the ultimate satisfaction of not being the biggest assclown at a party.

The Bad: If you can’t find a “that guy” at the party, you might be him.

The Ugly: The rare, but horrible realization that anyone can catch an incurable case of “that guy” disease.