Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot stress the importance of the news enough. It is our responsibility as American citizens to constantly be aware of the world we live in. Yesterday, I was flipping channels and just so happened to catch the beginnings of a news conference on Fox News. I immediately swithed to CNN. Once I arrived at a completely unbiased channel, I learned that the conference was about the Duke Lacross rape case. Fortunately for those three ladies' men, the rape charge against them has been dropped. In case you missed the televised version, I've decided to paraphrase the words of attorney Joe Cheshire for your enlightenment:

"Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. My dick in a box. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus. Penis, vagina, anus times infinity." —Joe Cheshire, NC attorney.


Seriously, he said penis, vagina, anus A LOT.