Hey there. Can I interrupt your hot tub makeout session with Britney Spears to give you the gossip? I'll be quick, I promise.

So yes, BritBrit landed herself in a hotel pool, drunk and topless, with one of the extras from her music video. The two touched tongues and boobies, and played Truth or Dare. Totes normal, except that their escapades went on until 4AM or so, and Brit was scheduled to get her two kids only a few hours later. Do you think her babies can smell the Jack Daniels on her breath? Eh, the cigarettes probably cover it up. [WWTDD, DListed]

Britney was probably still drunk when she got in a fender bender with a parked car in a parking lot this week. The first thing she says after she trashes the random car? "Im a brainiac!" Seriously. Watch the video and hear for yourself. [IDLYITW]

Luckily Katherine McPhee is still taking the whole "hot popstar" look seriously. Even though she's starring in some dumb college-themed movie. Here's what her ass looks like these days. I would have voted for that thing to win Idol, for sure. [WWTDD]

Also in this movie is Bruce and Demi's daughter Rumer. She's a bit of a fugboat compared to those other hobags in Hollywood, but this pic is kind of hot in an "I like bondage" sort of way. Which I don't. Until now. Especially that dunce cap. I bet Bruce makes his daughters wear that shizz at home too. [Egotastic]

Kim Kardashian is my favorite person in the world, solely because she got famous for having a giant ass and filming herself loving golden showers. That is true talent – Meryl Streep can go eat a bag of dicks now that Kim's in town! She's even gotten herself her own reality TV show. Her family will appear in it too (dad is Olympian Bruce Jenner and her step-brother is tool Brody Jenner) but hopefully it'll be mostly her drinking smoothies and getting butt sweat while working out. [CelebSlam]

Normally I don't give a shit about Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen, but the weirdness that's emerged from their divorce is too much. Apparently Denise wanted to have a third kid by her ex, and asked for "a donation." I can think of plenty of people who would throw a jar of sperm her way, so it seems kind of sad to go groveling to one's ex-husband for jizz. When asked if he would do it Charlie dissed his ex-wife by saying how he'd walk on the moon first. Oh snap! A moon diss! [DListed]

Lindsay is at rehab in Utah, probably secretly snorting OxyContin in a luxurious bathroom somewhere on a hillside. Good for her. She needs to blow her money somehow. [CelebrityBabylon]

In case you miss her, here's a clip from her new shiteous movie. It's a sex scene, but don't let that fool you. It's still snoozetastic. [NinjaDude]

Charlize Theron pranced around some waterfall in a bikini in Belize recently, but the pics are kind of blah. Like it's your okay-looking sister and not some hot South African model with a fake American accent. [HollywoodTuna]

Jessica Simpson is apparently being a major C U Next Tuesday on the set of her new movie. You know, she doesn't talk to anyone, needs to be driven everywhere, has an assistant dedicated to slowly pulling the rod out of her ass. That sort of thing. I wonder if her ex-husband gets beats off to her failed career. I do. [IDLYITW]

Remember when Mena Suvari was hot? She's not anymore. [IDLYITW]

Thankfully when you need a ho, the Hilton sisters are always still available. Here they are leaving some lingerie party at the Playboy mansion. My favorite part of the pic is that sexy beast behind them. I'm pretty sure this one instant of Hiltonism was the highlight of his life. He probably tells the story of the Hiltons walking by him in underwear 600 times a day at his job selling cookie's at the Mrs. Field's stand in the mall. [CelebSlam]

Threatening you all with a good time,

]Images: WWTDD x3, Egotastic, CelebSlam, IDLYITW, CelebSlam]