Crimes of Reason
By Vince Eckert

Crimes of passion are serious matters. Consequently, crimes of reason often go unnoticed.

In the forest
Jim: So let me get this straight: since I’m a lumberjack, and therefore chop down trees, it’s fine to use my axe on this guy, because his name is Wood?
Frank: I reckon, but it’ll be messy.
Wood: Hey, I’m not made of tree.
Jim: Nobody said you were.

At the shore

Todd: Hey man, all I hear in your cell phone is the ocean.
Brad: You’re holding it the wrong way.
Todd: Whoosh. Whoosh. That’s all I hear.
Brad: Give it back, then.
Todd: This noise belongs to the sea. I’m throwing it back.

In the bank
Charlie: Anybody moves and I shoot!
Jack: Charlie, come on, cool down. Let’s do this like thinking men.
Charlie: You’re right. Look, everybody, we’re bank robbers… so you should give us all the money.
Teller: Of course. Why didn’t you say so in the first place?