Remember those parties you went to in grade school? The ones where you simply stayed up all night playing Nintendo 64 and practicing your WWF moves on your friends? You’d eat pizza and then make your friend laugh so he does that thing where soda comes out of his nose. Well those days are over, my children. Hark! I shall tell you a tale.
The College Party (heretofore reffered to as Party) is much different than the high school party. The Party is a much-revered and sought after commodity in college. Many people in college organize Parties and you will attend many of them. You may even “throw” a Party yourself.
My first Party was at a fraternity. The exact fraternity escapes me, but as it was early in the year, the building had not yet been condemned. We showed up at the house and entered. The booming thump of hip hop music was actually being mostly drowned out by the cheering of people at the beer pong table. The heroes rose and fell, always being replaced by the next warriors ready to test their might.
A Brother came by and asked us if we were “rushing.” We had no idea what this meant, but we assumed he wanted to know if we were trying out for his fraternity. I said no but my friend Smokey Potter said yes at the same time. The Brother left, then returned with a shiny metal object in his hand. I blinked as it caught the light. Was that a beer? Smokey Potter popped the tab and began to quaff this strange beverage. He looked over at me and grinned. Yes, this was beer. I looked up at the Brother, hoping it was not too late. I said, “I am rushing too.” Moments later, beers in hand, Smokey Potter and I met up with Superstar. Superstar had a beer, too. “Natty Ice,” he announced proudly. We nodded and said “sweet,” then looked down to see our friend Kaktus rolling around on the floor with a half-full bottle of Jack Daniels. “I am so drunk!”
I recently went to a Party at a friend’s apartment. It started out pretty chill, just a few people hanging out drinking tall boys. Then the neighbors from upstairs came down and joined the party. They were extremely intoxicated. One dude had just eaten “mushrooms”. I briefly thought about how much things had changed since the scene at that frat house years ago, then the thought was gone. Such a thing is now commonplace. Anyway, one dude stared at a wall and babbled gibberish while his friends introduced themselves and then babbled gibberish. Superstar and I retreated to the kitchen where things were calmer. Suddenly a girl opened the bathroom door from the inside and fell into our kitchen sanctuary. We attempted to sneak out before she noticed us but we had been spotted. She addressed us in a drunken slur. “You guys want to buy some far-me-su-ti-culls?” We noticed that she had not put her pants back on completely before she left the bathroom. She held them up with one hand. We declined her offer and tried to escape again. This time her friends were entering the kitchen. We made polite conversation. “Oh,” I said, “You enjoy death metal music? Cool.” Finally the neighbors decided to leave. As they were going out the door the girl said “Come drink with us!” and one of those dudes turned around and grinned. “Huh-huh. She said ‘cum drink’.”