The spring semester is almost upon us and only one question remains:

“Who are you not going to be having sex with this term?”

Is it not going to be that cute blond from down the hall in your dorm?  Will it not be that big-busomed brunette from across the street of your apartment?  Or shall it not be the tantalizing redhead from the other side of the binoculars up in the sorority off Ferguson?

I mean, who's it not going to be, dawg?!

You’ve been meaning to nail them all ever since you arrived at college, but now the moment of truth has arrived, the golden hour has come and gone, and your chances are chilling with some unseasonably toasty snowballs in Hell.  So I gots to ask you again: who are you not going to be having sexual intercourse with this academic year, DUDE??!!

How about that lovely Latina you’re afraid to talk to in Astronomy 101?  Or what about the Asian sensation you keep avoiding eye contact with on the way to the gym?  Perhaps it won’t be the desirable creature whose ethnicity you’ve not yet determined and are too afraid to ask for, who keeps popping up at exotic-ass-attracting cultural events all over campus?  Is she going to be the unlucky one not to wind up in bed with you for a non-night of un-hot sex that never happened?  Or is it not going to be some other gal who won’t ever experience the pleasure that won’t be you and her never climaxing together?

Who won’t it be, man?!

Only a few more days not to decide, bro! You better not get on it, okay?! 
Alright!!!  Awesome???