Bigger than Jesus, by about 40 lbs.

Why can't the past tense of split be splat?
Fashion Tips for Crazy People
- Ants – an accessory that works for anyone, regardless of body type.
- Aluminum foil is this season's cardboard.
- Try on all your magical amulets, and take note on which give you the bluest aura. Then look for similar magical amulets in the garbage!
How Was It Invented?! This Episode: The Camera
(It's 1685. A man is painting a church)
Passerby: Hey Buddy! Take a picture. It'll last longer!
Johann Zahn: (scratching his chin) Yes… it WOULD last longer…
Two Countries Who Should Never Play Each Other In the World Cup
NIG (Niger) Vs. GER (Germany)
Good news! Bob Ross and Mister Rogers aren't dead; they're just competing to see who's calmer. Bob Ross is in the lead, but Mister Rogers is closing in fast the more he decomposes.
Young Albert Einstein's Equations
D=Gz Where Gz is Gunther Zimmerman and D is a dickhead.

W=Bd+Gz Where Gz is Gunther Zimmerman, Bd is trips to the bathroom per day and W is painful, embarrassing wedgies.

AT=Gz(A-B) Where Gz is Gunther Zimmerman, A is Albert Einstein, B is Albert Einstein's new bike and AT is tears shed by Albert (in fluid ounces).
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