As featured on dirtyscottsdale.com:
Last blog was fun. I sincerely thank you all for your feedback. The good, the bad and the ugly. I particularly enjoyed those of you who suggested I am a cheap and easy hoe looking for my own pet 30K millionaire to cash in on and fund my very own set of fake tits, but I'll have to disagree. I think a description more fitting would be that I am not a "money obsessed republican coke whore with a bad job" as Nikki James so beautifully commented. And for the record I happen to love my barely B cups and choose not to use my "hoe powers" for evil aka accepting drinks from creeper, misleading them to believe they have a purpose in life and a chance at procreating.
Now on to more pressing matters: What is with all these imposter lesbians in Scottsdale sticking their tongues down each others throats?
I personally have no problem with lesbians. In fact I dated one once upon a time, but one thing I simply can't stand is attention-obsessed whores pretending to be something they're not. I thought we ladies grew out of this stage shortly after graduating high school, but sadly not all wishes made on shooting stars come true.
Girl-on-girl action is obviously hot to guys. I don't know one guy in Scottsdale who would pass up an opportunity to see two girls pawing each others breasts, licking each others lips. But while guys are caught up with a boner-inducing fantasy of bring both girls back to their place and re-enacting a scene from Nip/Tuck, we girls, unwilling to objectify ourselves, realize the odds of your dreams coming true are about as likely as the Spurs winning a legitimate championship or Barry Bonds being steroid-free.
Another thing that bothers us girls is we are speechless with your stupidity. Isn't it obvious that these girls are trying to distract you from something else? Perhaps the fact that they're unclassy, easy and most likely treating some sort of STD? Most likely you have, like them, consumed too many drinks and are operating purely on beer goggle vision. The reality of the situation is these girls are not lesbians, they are ridiculously drunk and most likely unattractive, hopelessly single (for a good reason probably) and trying to compensate. While you may be having a great time for a mere 2 minutes max. watching the sexy (let's be honest, slutty) show they're putting on, we girls across the bar, yes the ones with class, are pitying you because you just crossed yourself off the list of potential hook-ups. There's nothing more pathetic than seeing a group of guys drool over what most likely is sloppy seconds.
Don't get me wrong, I know not all guys are pathetic as those I described above, but for those of you that are, go ahead, you're drunk so why not, support these two skanks and their 5 seconds of fame, but it's going to be a bitch for sure when you end up going home alone.