College is starting again soon. Do you know what to expect? Here is a very pithy guide to a few schools.


College/University
What to expect

University of Idaho Crippling loneliness, outdated Napoleon Dynamite quotes
University of South Alabama Tobaccy, bayou monsters
University of Chicago Snow, Da motherf*uckin' Bears !!!!!

University of San Diego Nachos, illegal immigrants

Penn State (Main Campus) Joe Paterno statues, Joe Paterno

University of California, Santa Barbara Sunshine, sexual heeeeealing

University of Santa Fe Abundance of fascinating Native American culture, hash pipes
DeVry University Dental assistants, that one uncle of yours

Kansas State University Wheat, munchkins

Oral Roberts University Bad BJ jokes, No BJs

University of Wisconsin Cheese wheels, Bears fans!!!!!!

University of the Virgin Islands Awwwww yeeeaaah!

Bob Jones University Salvation, urge to commit suicide

American University Traffic, "Dude, like the whole government is behind 9/11. Wake up!!!"
Lancaster Bible College Structurally efficient dorms, Amish

Golden Gate University Make-up artists, homosexuals

University of North Carolina Air Jordan sneakers, NBA scouts

University of Tennessee Fantastically-shaped bongs, foobawl!!!

University of Wyoming Quails, Dick Cheney

University of Colorado Ski lifts, "Sunshiiiiine…on my shulderrrrrs …makes me happyyyyy …"
Transylvania University Annoying vampire jokes, annoying transsexual jokes
The College of New Jersey Easy wimmins, wise guys

University of Texas Inner thigh chafe, horseshoes

University of Miami Sunburn, boobies!!!!!!!!!!!