I know you're new, and I know a new work environment must be hard to deal with. After all, being thrust into the heart of a busy pizza place, at dinner time on a Friday night is daunting to even the stongest and bravest of men.

I know that you are neither.

But, you are not new to this environment. In fact, I quite clearly remember working with you on multiple occasions at another pizza place, where you did the exact same thing you do now: cut pizzas.

I realize that said pizza place was run by two sisters who, when their maximum intellectual capacity was combined, could barely manage to keep the business afloat, and would never ever imagine uttering a single negative word to their employees, for fear of warping their little personalities.

Unfortunately, you no longer find yourself in that cushy little nook. So when you quit last week, citing "verbal abuse" as grounds, I wasn't all that surprised. After all, as I recall, I told you to "shove it up your ass and do your f*cking job" at a particular point in the evening. This is why this shouldn't come as a shock, and listen very carefully: You really do need to shove it up your ass and do your f*cking job, and anyone and everyone working around you is perfectly within their rights telling you that at any point, and I'd be surprised if at least one person at every subsequent job you will have won't tell you that multiple times, perhaps accompanied by a smack upside the head.

You, sir, are lucky there are such things as cameras and lawsuits, otherwise I would have done the same to you.

So now that you've swallowed your pride long enough to realize that people yell when you behave like a complete moron with a smart-ass attitude, I hope you'll take what vulgar words we spit at you with a grain of salt. Because we mean it, and we mean it in the worst possible way, but if you pussy out and quit again, we will beat you, collectively and alternately, with a tire iron. So just don't let it get to you.