Carrie Underwood's friend: …and my mouth STILL hurts. So what'd you do last night, Carrie?

Carrie Underwood: Well, I dug my key into the side… of his pretty, little, souped-up four-wheel drive… I carved my name into his leather seats… I took a—

Carrie Underwood's friend: Wait, what?! Who's four wheel drive?

Carrie Underwood: Remember my ex-bee eff, Harvey?

Carrie Underwood's friend:
Who?

Carrie Underwood: Harvey. Pretty sure I told you about him.

Carrie Underwood's friend: You mean one of those guys you dated for like three weeks?

Carrie Underwood: Yeah. So, anyway, then I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole—-

Carrie Underwood's friend: Whoa, whoa. Wait a second… I'm pretty sure that's a felony.

Carrie Underwood:
..in all four tires…

Carrie Underwood's friend: In ALL four tires? Geez. I guess I'm just not understanding what he did to deserve all of this…

Carrie Underwood: He cheated on me, that's what! So maybe next time he'll think before he—

Carrie Underwood's friend: Wait, I think I remember now. Are you talking about the guy who dumped you because he couldn't deal with your excessive spurts of violence?

Carrie Underwood: Maaaaaybe.

Carrie Underwood's friend: Did you quit going to your therapist again?

Carrie Underwood: Maaaaaybe.