Dad: Son, your mother and I are very proud of you. You're a smart and capable young man. Just remember that it's okay to date girls, but don't start going steady unless you're both ready for a lot more responsibility.
Mom: Oh! And make sure to ask the first person you meet where the hospital is. It's important to know in case of emergency, god forbid.
Dad: Always carry three extra resumes, just in case.
Mom: It might be good exercise to rollerblade to class just wear a helmet and some bright colors, please.
Dad: You'll never forget your dorm keys if you get a fanny pack with a key clip.
Mom: I'm packing extra socks, and that's final!
Dad: Don't post your email address or social security number in any Facebooks. You don't know who or what is on the Internet.
Mom: I know you're going to a school that's across the country, but if you ever need a ride home from a party call and we'll come pick you up no questions asked.
Dad: Your mother wanted to give you a GPS implant, but I talked her out of it. Wear this antenna, though.
Mom: I packed a cyanide capsule with your toiletries, should you need to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Dad: If your roommate is black, request a transfer. It's not racist to be careful. Some day you'll understand that.
Mom: Whatever you do, make sure to wear a condom and a dental dam. I packed some with your DVDs to get you started.
Dad: Trust no one.
Mom: Don't fall asleep!
Dad: Show no fear. Girls hate fear.
Mom: Seriously, you can't be this old. Bite the cyanide.
Dad: Don't eat too much Ramen.