Dear Mr. Mencia,

You are the worst thing to happen to cable television since Oprah got her own channel. Everyone knows you are a dumb racist bigot, who steals jokes, and bad ones at that. You have no sense of morals, responsibility, or humor, and the fact is that every person I’ve ever talked to has nothing but fiery hatred for you. This may be due to the fact that most of the people I am on speaking terms with have some sort of high school diploma, and therefore don’t think it’s even a little amusing when you tell a fat man that he should know how much a refrigerator costs because he is fat. I’m guessing that your target audience is some sort of illegal immigrant with cable television, which leads me to my first question for you: Why are you still on the air? I mean, I know why you first got on the air, and for that I think you owe Dave Chappelle a huge thank you, but, why in the name of Zeus' butt hole have you not been confined to a 9×9 jail cell for crimes against humanity?

According to my understanding of television, shows stay on the air as long as they continue to make money. Money is made from advertisements aired during the show, and the price of the advertisement is determined by how many people watch the show. Without undermining your audience, or overtly insulting you or your show, I ask: how is it that Comedy Central has canceled your ass yet?

It might seem unfair to fire a man simply because he is a disrespectful asshole, who just isn’t funny, but I remind you that you are on Comedy Central, and claim to be a comedian. That being said, your contract should be burnt, and all the money you have made from this insipid show should be sent straight to Chappelle for giving you your undeserved fifteen minutes of fame which have lasted about 3 years too long.

In summation, Mr. Mencia, I would like to ask for a favor from you. If you would be so kind, hand in your letter of resignation. Give an original comedian who deserves his own show a chance on Comedy Central. Someone like Jim Gaffigan, Louis C.K., Lewis Black, or Streeter Seidell. Pretty much anyone but Amir.

Thank you for your time and please jump in front of a bus,


P.S. We all know your real name is Ned.