Ethan: Hmmmm slow week in sports. So I guess we should start out this week by pointing out that we picked all of last weekend's NFL games wrong. Well, that's not going to be a trend. This week, we're getting AT LEAST one game right. 1-3 record, here we come. Who do you like this weekend?
Amir: The problem was, last week, I forgot the unwritten rule: Herm Edwards is stupid. This week I'm not going to make that mistake. NFC games are locks. The Seahawks cannot beat the Bears and the Eagles will not win in New Orleans. But my upset specials are in the AFC. I am GUARANTEE'ing a Patriots/Colts AFC Championship game.
Amir: I don't know, after years of disappointments, I think this is Joseph Addai's year. You know that video clip of Steve Young winning the SuperBowl and him leaning over saying "Will somebody get the monkey off my back?" I wouldn't be surprised if that was Peyton this year. Only with a bigger forehead. Also, Philip Rivers isn't good enough to beat Tom Brady. He's not even good enough in a Trent Dilfer way. Belichick is going to figure out a way to stop LDT, and after that, it's game over.
Ethan: I'm with you on the NFC games being locks, though, thanks to that brutal bobble by Tony Romo spoiling what could have been a great Cowboys-Bears matchup. You had to feel kind of bad for Tony Romo when Bill Parcells walked up to him on the team bus and said, "On the road of life, can you pay the toll? Seriously, I'm totally tapped for cash. You know I'm good for it. Yes, I'll pay you back for that time you bought my frozen yogurt, too. As soon as we get back. We gotta get off this turnpike somehow. "
Amir: Tony Romo going to the ProBowl is going to be like when Homer Simpson walked into Moe's with a fake mustache. "Romo!? WHO IS ROMO!? I AM GUY INCOGNITO!" I don't blame him. How can you enjoy yourself at a party knowing the invitation was handed to you by mistake?
Ethan: I'm actually more excited at the prospect of Mark McGwire doing the opposite: buying a fatsuit and blackface and trying to sneak into the Hall of Fame as Tony Gwynn. It will be like Kirstie Alley auditioning for a minstrel show . What did you find more surprising about the Hall of Fame balloting: that Cal Ripken and Gwynn weren't unanimous picks, or that Jay Buhner received a vote? And as a completely unrelated question, do you think the Baseball Writers of America will let Jay Buhner's mom keep her ballot next year?
Amir: Jay Buhner is the Tom Tolbert of Major League Baseball, that one is definitely more surprising. I don't think Jay Buhner should even be elected into the Jay Buhner Hall of Fame. I'm actually pretty excited Mark McGwire wasn't voted into the hall of fame. It's for the best, I doubt he'd be able to choose exactly which Human Growth Hormone to be enshrined in.
Ethan: I think the only people more disappointed than McGwire this week are Ohio State fans. First they drop the BCS title game, then Oden and company roll over to Wisconsin. On the plus side, Jim Tressel's going for it on fourth down in the SECOND QUARTER proves that just because you dress like a nerd, it doesn't mean you're smart.
Amir: That was absurd. It's always fun to play Madden '95 with people's lives, but this was a little ridiculous. I honestly expected to see a couple fake punts on third down late in that game just to be funny. I'm pretty sure I saw Jim Tressel laughing on the sidelines in the fourth quarter mouthing "Okay fine, press restart. Let's play again." Seriously though: Greg Oden at tight end. Was it not worth a shot?
Ethan: He would have played, but the equipment manager couldn't find him one of the leather helmets he was used to wearing while growing up. Let's wrap this up.
Amir: All right, interesting fact of the week. I just found out there is a ridiculous coaching tree in college basketball. Did you know James Naismith, the inventor of basketball, coached NCAA Hoops at the University of Kansas. One of his players was Forrest "Phog" Allen. When Allen grew up and coached college basketball, he coached Dean Smith. When Dean Smith was a coach, he coached George Karl, and when George Karl was a coach, he just couldn't do anything right.
Ethan: Tell that to those Sonics teams that won so many rings in the mid-90's They give rings for Pacific Division champions, right?In either event, I hope this means both Shawn Kemp and Vin Baker become Hall of Fame NCAA coaches.
Amir: God Bless America.
Ethan: Land that I love.
For more sports jokes, check out StraighCashHomey.net