Beginning college can be a difficult time in your life. Adapting to the college lifestyle can be difficult at first, but that’s why I'm here. Since most of your homework will depend on using Facebook*, you’ll really want to revamp that lame profile you made in high school.

Having a cool middle name in quotations is the definition of the word “awesome.” Let’s say you don’t have a nickname, do you have to miss the fun? No! Make one up! Think of something really radical and stick it in between your first and last name! If you can’t think of anything, just stick "THE" in front of your first name to display your uniqueness from others that share that name.

Relationship Status
Here is a great place to show the world how you and your friend are totes BFFs by saying that you are engaged. To take it that extra step, maybe even get Facebook married to each other! Oh, man! If I was drinking milk, it would so be coming out my nose right now! Oh snap, did you just describe your relationship as “It’s complicated?” Excuse me while I slap my knee.

The Interest field is a great place to list completely random things that will make you seem sensitive, yet spontaneous. The more random the better. If you finish this area and it is less than 27 lines long, delete everything and start over. Don’t forget to include “thunderstorms, Awww.

Favorite Music
Start writing down an extensive list of local indie bands that no one has ever heard of in addition to the entire Garden State soundtrack. You can always save a little extra time by simply writing “I am a pompous dickhead.”

Favorite TV Shows
Just say it, just say "I like to bring up the fact that I was really disappointed when Arrested Development was canceled in everyday conversation." It’s very important that you don’t forget to say how much superior the UK version of The Office is compared to the US version.

Favorite Movies
If you are a male, choose “Anchorman and 300.” If you are female, choose some Hugh Grant movie, you dumb slut.

Favorite Books
You have a few different ways to go with this one. You can ridicule this silly question by asking “Who reads?!?” or add a little pizzazz with the silly “My textbooks LoLoL” reply. You haven’t finished reading a book in years but you still want to come off as pretty intelligent, so just list all the books you can remember reading in seventh grade. Lord of the Flies FTW!!!!

Favorite Quotes
Ever been at a party where someone said something that a few people chuckled at? Chances are you have! From now on, carry a notepad and pen with you so whenever you hear something humorous, you can write it down and then immediately add it to your extensive “Favorite Quotes” area- see lame ass friends from high school? I'm having an awesome time here at Southern Louisiana Valley University Community College!

About Me
Be sure to include as many cliche activities as possible about how you like to do things as long as they’re fun. Extra points if you say that you like to meet new people or you talk about an upcoming event you’re excited about.

Finally, end your profile by saying that you don’t want your profile to come off as a personal ad. Then list your cell phone number, home address, penis size, e-mail address, and AIM screenname and a winking emoticon to show that you are easy in bed, have a killer sense of humor AND know how to use the Shift key.

*not true