Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The First College Party
August 30, 2007
9:35pm Guys, tonight is going to be so much fun. College!!!
9:45pm Wait, are we really all going together? There's like, 14 of us.
9:51pm That's ok, I'm sure they'll be psyched to have all of us there.
10:15pm Ready to go?
10:17pm What do you mean 'change into going out clothes'? What's wrong with the clothes you're wearing?
10:30pm Oh. I see. Hehehehe boobs.
10:45pm We should probably get going, you guys.
11:00pm Guys, stop f*cking around, it's already 11pm.
. Come ON. I've been ready for like an hour!
11:35pm Ok, let's just take a few more shots before we go, so we're drunk for the whole party.
11:40pm I love Peach Schnapps!
12:00am I am never drinking Peach Schnapps again.
12:01am Ok one more shot of Schnapps, then we're
you guys I have five beers in my pocket. Remind me.
12:20am Who's idea was it to walk? This is taking
. I'm going to shotgun this beer in the parking lot.
12:30am Ok, we're here. A remix of Sandstorm and Super Mario Brothers is playing. Awesome.
12:35am Alright guys, just be cool. Don't act like tards, make a good first impre-
12:36am It's ok, nobody saw. I'm sure everybody falls at least once in thei-
12:37am At least twice in their college careers.
is all over the floor? Is that
12:40am Yup, that's a mixture of beer and vomit. At least an inch thick. I think I'm going to be throw up.
1:00am Those shots are really kicking in. Damn I took a lot of shots.
1:15am I can't feel my face.
1:30am Ohhhhh shit. With the blacklight I can totally see that chick's bra.
1:40am Oh, great. Now I've got a boner.
1:45am I can't believe I'm hiding in the bathroom with a hard-on.
1:46am Nice! I totally forgot about these beers in my pocket. Shotgun!
1:50am That was a terrible idea.
2:15am This counts as dancing, right?
2:30am Jesus, I've never sweat so hard in my life. Am I having a heart attack? Maybe.
3:00am Where are all my friends? Oh God, I don't remember where I live.
3:10am Oh, here's a couch.
3:15am This is the most comfortable couch in the world.
9:12am What. The. Fuck.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.