Sophomore Greg Zudinsky's claims on why this year will be different

Hey man. This year is going to be different. I'm a sophomore now, man. All the freshman girls are going to love me. That's why I'm staying at Thompson Hall again. Yeah guys, I know that Thompson is the main freshman dorm and all the sophomores who live there are kind of weird, but not me. I'm going to have an awesome time. I could be like, their mentor. Show 'em how to drink. Plus chicks dig older guys.
Its too bad you guys got that apartment together. I mean, yeah I would totally live there with you if it wasn't totally lame! J/K, J/K man. But it's like, why would you want to live in an apartment above a sandwich shop/ liquor store thats 2 blocks from the stadium when you can live in a dorm? Sure, yeah there's R.A's, but they totally wont do anything, man. Plus, you probably have weird neighbors. Meanwhile I'll be back in Thompson, Ja Rule on the stereo blasting, Guitar Hero on the TV. Sure, I wont have a fridge and a stove and dishwasher, but I don't need that. I think you guys are moving way too fast. Why would you want to cook your own meals when you can go to the dining hall? For free!
Plus, dude, I'll totally have a better chance at scoring than you all. I mean, yeah, I was kind of behind you guys last year, but now, like I said, I'll be swimming in poon. I mean yeah, I totally could have had sex last year, but I didn't. Everyone was doing it, so I figured I'd go a different way man, because Greg Zudinsky doesn't follow the crowd!
I might join that new Frat they are starting up. Its going to be all freshman, but they'll need me, because come the end of junior year, I'll totally be able to buy beer for them!
Yeah, this year's going to be awesome! You should stop by and see what you're missing…

…Alright, seriously guys, I'm not gonna front. Why didn't you let me in the apartment? I don't want to be stuck in Thompson again! Please guys, I know there's an extra bedroom. I don't want to be the weird guy again. Dude, seriously, this year is going to be worse than freshman year. I cant believe I was the only one not to bang someone last year. Oh man…please let me in the apartment guys…