Sean Johnson, 9, sits in the school cafeteria eating his lunch when Ron Gunner, the school bully approaches.

Ron: Hey loser, give me your sandwich.

Sean: Well, Ron, this is my only source of nourishment until I get home but if you'd like a bite I'd be more than happy to break you off a piece of…

Ron: Gimme the sandwich punk! I could crush you with one hand tied behind my back.

Sean: I don't doubt that that's true. But it certainly does speak to your own insecurities that you'd need to prove your physical prowess over someone who's nearly half your size.

Ron: What are you talking about you moron?

Sean: I'd really just like to eat my lunch in peace so if you continue I'm going to have to…

Ron: What? Are you gonna tell your mommy?

Sean: Actually my mother and I have a very open relationship.

Ron: Gross! You probably do it with your mom don't you!

Sean: Although it's not uncommon for pre-adolescent boys to grapple with a strange maternal attachment which often does contain sexual undertones I can't say I have ever done it with my mother.

Ron: Yeah…well…you're gay.

Sean: I would have to disagree on the grounds that I've had a massive crush on Stacy Hirschfeld since Kindergarten. Perhaps though your desire to call my own sexual orientation into question is actually just a projection and reflects certain feelings that you've been having lately.

Ron: Uh…yeah…well at least I don't stay home studying every night so that I can get A's on every single test.

Sean: Oh, I actually only study for about an hour each day and spend quite a bit of my recreational time engaged in other pursuits like soccer and playing with my Nintendo Wii System. Maybe if you worked harder at time management your grades would not suffer as much as they do. Then again, I understand the immense difficulties children from broken homes face whenit comes to academics. And it probably doesn't help that your father left your mother when she became paralyzed. That's quite a great deal of baggage for such a young boy to be carrying.

Ron starts to break down and cry like a little girl.

Ron: Sean, you're right. I hate my father. You're the only one who understands me.

Sean: I know, I know. But you don't have to be such a pussy about it.