Ethan: Two week delay in columns, but we couldn't wait another week to write one. By that time, Michigan football may have been demoted to the Division Formerly Known as I-AA. Greatest upset ever in college football?

Amir: Maybe so. If you are Mike Hart and Chad Henne, who came back for one more shot at Ohio State, how hilariously disappointing is this? Now the best you can hope for is one more shot at Youngstown State.

Ethan: I think the bigger upset is that Lloyd Carr still has a job. What does he have to do to get fired? Walk out to midfield and take a leak during the opening coin flip?

Amir: "Call it in the air, boys…"

Ethan: App State deserves their credit for being dominant. Sure, they came into this matchup as the Washington Generals, but you have to remember the Washington Generals are still really good even if they normally lose. So how will Michigan finish this year? Winning record?

Amir: Yeah, just looking at their schedule I'm seeing easy wins against Notre Dame (who is actually even worse than Michigan), Eastern Michigan, Illinois… I don't think they were bad, I just think they were ill prepared.

Ethan: You're calling Illinois an easy win? Expect a flurry of angry text messages from Ron Zook within the next few minutes.

Amir: They were one field goal away from winning that game. The real indicator will be that game against Oregon. If they can rebound at home vs. the Ducks they'll be fine. What is more impressive: Appalachian State winning, or George Mason making it to the final four two years ago?

Ethan: I'm going to stick with George Mason. App State is really impressive, but George Mason went through some really tough teams in its own right, each time in a win-or-go-home. That UConn team they beat was legitimately really good, and this Michigan team was obviously a little overrated. You don't lose seven starters from a defense that was so dominant last year and just immediately spring back into the top five. Either way, App State's win made a usually boring weekend of blowouts great, so we must salute them. Now from football to…a different level of football. What are your thoughts on the NFL season?

Amir: The Raiders will be better than people think. The Falcons will actually be worse than people think, and the Chargers open up the season against Chicago then at New England. With Norv Turner at the helm, haven't they suffered enough?

Ethan: Norv Turner in San Diego is one of my all-time favorite stupid coaching hires. The guy's a brilliant offensive coordinator, but he kind of sucks as a head coach. Plus, when you have weapons like LT and Gates, you don't need a genius coordinator, you need a competent head coach.

Amir: Like Marty Schottenheimer?

Ethan: They're the best team, but I don't know if they'll win the Super Bowl. I think the Colts will be worse than people think. The offense is still going to be dynamite, but the defense was horrible last year and has only gotten worse with the loss of June and the corners. (Great name for a girl-pop band, by the way.) And you're insane about the Raiders. Better than what people think? The corpse of Al Davis?

Amir: They had the best pass defense in the league last year and have an improved offense. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say 7-9! My other bold prediction of the season: Bears will not make the playoffs. How about you?

Ethan: They had the best pass defense because no one needed to pass against them. You can do that when you're up thirty points and getting five yards per carry while Warren Sapp tries to flag down a hot dog vendor. Bears have to make the playoffs if only because the division is so crappy. This is insane, but I think the Jets could win the AFC East, especially if they win this weekend. The Pats are going to miss Harrison and Seymour. How do you feel about Harrison?

Amir: I feel like he's really grown these past few seasons as a human… You're going to feel really dumb when the Pats destroy the Jets in week 1. Did you know the Raiders are favored this week against the Lions and the Texans are favored against the Chiefs?

Ethan: Anything can happen in Week 1, so I wouldn't bet on anything. That's why I hate important divisional match-ups being scheduled the first week; let it happen later when both teams are clicking.

Amir: I'm having brunch with Roger tomorrow, I'll let him know.

Ethan: Back to Harrison, I love how he tries to emphasize that he didn't do HGH "to get an advantage." It was just to recover from injuries quicker! That's not an advantage to an aging safety, right? Not only is he a dirty player, he's also dumber than a stack of Shawn Kemp's autobiographies. Are the Texans finally going to be decent this year?

Amir: Nope!

Ethan: Didn't think so. Moving on…how old were you when you threw your first no-hitter for the Red Sox?

Amir: 22, but it didn't count because I was playing Bases Loaded on the NES. Which young pitcher do you want on your favorite team: Joba Chamberlain or Clay Buchholz?

Ethan: Buchholz. Chamberlain's getting a lot of press coming out of the bullpen, and he's a top prospect and will probably be a very good starter next year. But Buchholz is also a top prospect and has shown more to me in the majors. Plus, Chamberlain's in Joe Torre's bullpen, so he could be overworked to death by the end of the year. Torre probably has him throwing pitches against a backstop in his office "just because I like the noise it makes…that's right…make sure that rotator cuff is nice and fatigued…" Are the Mariners done after last night?

Amir:
Never say never. They still have one game against the Yankees tonight, and New York hasn't looked poised to make a post season push themselves. The Yankees only have forty year old pitchers and twenty three year old pitchers. What have they been up to for the past fifteen years?

Ethan: Winning. And signing Jose Contreras. Mostly winning. Even if the Yankees make the postseason is there anything to love about them? The rotation is sort of in shambles even if Clemens doesn't miss time due to injury. Wang is okay but mostly has all of those wins due to their offense, and Pettitte's been good. I'm not loving the Clemens-Mussina-Hughes-Kennedy grab bag to fill out the rotation. Also, so long, Brewers. It was a magical run.

Ethan: Have an interesting fact this week?

Amir: Tommy Bowden's four victories over his dad in the Bowden Bowls are the only time the son has won a father-son coaching matchup in the history of any major American sport.

Ethan: For all you sons out there, let this be a lesson to you: plan ahead. Wait until your dad is too old and senile to fight back, then strike!

Amir: If only JoePa had a son… that had the BALLS TO COACH COLLEGE FOOTBALL!

Ethan: Until next week, catch Dream Team fever! Nobody beats up on 12 randomly selected Argentine guys quite as well as our boys. U-S-A! (stomps feet) U-S-A!

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