The following is an in-dept interview with Wheeler, a member of the former captain planet team.

Me: So where are you originally from … Wheeler, and when did you decide to become a planeteer?

Wheeler: uh, Brooklyn, New York. And I never really decided to become one. Actually that Captain Planet guy just kind of showed up at my place one night and it was creepy as hell.

Me: And what was your power?

Wheeler: Fire.

Me: Nice, ok; so which one of your parents actually thought Wheeler was a real name?

Wheeler: Screw off, Asshole.

Me: Ok. Well did you get along with the rest of the planeteers?

Wheeler: Not really. I ended up having problems with that European chick Linka until one day she finally started swallowing after I told her it was better for the environment.

Me: What about Gi, the water planeteer?

Wheeler: Ah, yea. She was kind of a hippie, you know, hairy like. I’m from the city I don’t do well in jungles.

Me: And what about Ma-Ti, the heart planeteer?

Wheeler: Fag.

Me: And Kwame?

Wheeler: We might have had some differences, but Kwame always had really good weed so he was ok with me as long as he didn’t bring that gay ass Ma-Ti kid and his damn monkey around when we smoked.

Me: What was your relationship with Captain Planet?

Wheeler: Same as Linka pretty much. We didn’t have many problems once he finally started to swallow.