1. South Africa, The Iraq, & Such As need our help with their serious map shortage
2. U.S. Americans need our help too
3. It is possible to make Mario Lopez look good
4. John Mayer has found a new girlfriend
5. Dumb blond southern girls actually do exist. It’s not just an urban legend.
6. Never go first
7. Now we know why the terrorists hate us
8. Quit while people think you’re only mildly retarded
9. Collegehumor has a Cute College Girl of the Week for next week