Hot Girl Bartender


"Hey there. What can I get for ya, hunny? See how I called you 'hunny'? That’s just my way of pretending to flirt with you so that you’ll tip a little extra in case you weren’t going to already on account of my superb breasts."



Douchebag Bartender

"Sup Chief? I’m calling you Chief so that you realize that I’m talking down to you. What do you need? No problem, boss; I’ll grab it after I finish flirting with Hot Girl Bartender."





Intoxicated Bartender


"Wanna know one of the perks of this job? Free fuggin’ drinksksks!!"






Bartender Ignoring Guys So He Can Serve Females First


"Hey. I’ll be right over to get you another beer as soon as I serve these slutty girls who are pretending to be attracted to me in hopes of getting free drinks. Even if I do get their numbers, I won’t bother calling because I bartend in this shithole, ensuring no relationships for me until I get a real job."



Angry, Steroid-Using Bouncer


"Hey brother, can I see your ID quick? I’ve been at this school for five and a half years and haven’t gotten around to dropping out yet, so don’t start any trouble in there or I’ll take out years of academic failure and subsequent parent’s disappointment out on you. Physically, of course."



Lady Who Operates Karaoke Machine


"If you ever quit drinking, I will be homeless. Whenever you get even slightly buzzed, you come up and pay to sing that Shania Twain song you love so much. The revenue you and your drunkass friends give this bar because of its karaoke machine provides me with a comfortable life. You literally pay my rent. Maybe next week you’ll switch it up and go with Carrie Underwood? Who knows? Can’t wait. Seriously."



Bartender at High Class Establishment


"Miller Lite? What in the hell is Miller Lite?"