from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 3, 2007 4:54 PM
subject Hey!

Hey Chris,

So nice seeing you at the HS Reunion. Go Bobcats! It’s always nice running into you whenever I’m back in town. Except for when you talk about middle school. Which you always do. LOL. I mean it’s fine, but well sometimes it gets annoying. Especially last night at the reunion when you told the story like ten times. You know, the “ I was the guy responsible for Jen’s first orgasm…and it was at a movie theater. Haha!” story. I hate it. Mainly because it’s not true. I’m sorry Chris, but I never got off when we went to see My Father The Hero in 1994. Anyway you repeat that story aloud every time I see you no matter where we are, or who I’m with and it’s NOT true. I never got off in that movie theater, in fact it was the most painful ninety minutes of my entire life. Whew, so glad to finally get that off my chest! Go Bobcats! : )

~Jen



from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 3, 2007 5:15 PM
subject Re: Hey! Bitch.

Hey Jen,

Wow, once a cunt, always a cunt. It’s a stupid middle school memory, and that’s how I remember it. Get over yourself. And I don’t mention it every time I run into you when you’re in town!

-Chris
Ps. If you didn’t get off, then why were you breathing so hard? Huh?!


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 9:05 AM
subject Re: Hey! Bitch. Pahlease!

I was breathing so hard because I was in PAIN. You sneak-attacked three fingers inside my un-lubricated vagina. It was painful. And yes you DO mention it every time I run into you back home. Last year at Thanksgiving my five year old son asked me what “kick-ass fingerbang” means!


from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 9:07 AM
subject Re: Hey! Bitch. Pahlease! You’re a fuckin liar.

Un-lubricated? Yeah right! Then why did it feel like the grossest, Ghostbusters kind of slimiest thing in the whole world?! And why did I almost puke in the bathroom afterwards?!


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 9:10 AM
subject Re: Hey! Bitch. Pahlease! You’re a fuckin liar. You’re gay.

Maybe you almost puked in the bathroom afterwards because you like dick.


from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 11:37 PM
subject Re: Hey! Bitch. Pahlease! You’re a fuckin liar. You’re gay. Cuuuuunt!

LOTS of guys experiment in college! I’m sorry I ever told you about that threesome I had sophomore year, but it never happened again. And since then, I’ve slipped lots of girls my three-finger-dart and I’ve gotten no complaints!!! I know you enjoyed it in that theatre Jen because you let me stay in there for the whole movie. I wanted to stop because I felt bumps that scared that crap out of me, but I kept going because you were LOVIN it! Don’t deny it. Oh and I hope to God you’ve learned to shave your pubes by now because that was out of control. Yeah, your bumps and your scary hair forest almost scarred me for life!!


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 11:40 PM
subject your three-finger-dart sucks!

My pubes? I was thirteen. Asshole. Nobody shaved their pubes yet. And the reason I let you stay in their the whole movie was because I thought with three fingers at least one of them would find a spot that would feel even a little bit good. But I was wrong!


from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 11:45 PM
subject your vagina sucks!

Whatever, you were ugly. You should be grateful for me. I was the only guy who would hang out with you, let alone touch you.


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 4, 2007 11:55 PM
subject not as bad as your three-finger-dart

Well closeted gay guys always go for the ugly chicks in middle school. Duh!



from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 5, 2007 12:00 AM
subject I’m not gay!

It was ONE threesome! And you should be grateful I tell people our middle school fingerblast story, it makes you look like you had a cool middle school social life.


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 5, 2007 12:04 AM
subject yes you are!

Well I don’t want to look like I had “a cool middle school social life” while running into you at Walmart with my Grandma! So STOP telling people I came while you fingered me in middle school!!!!!!!!!!!!!


from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 5, 2007 12:06 AM
subject Re: yes you are! NO I’M NOT

Well fine!! I won’t tell that that stupid story anymore if that’s what you want!!!!


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 5, 2007 12:11 AM
subject Yes!

That’s what I want!


from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 10, 2007 3:48 PM
subject Hey

Hi Jen,

Okay here’s the thing. As you know, I’ve gained some weight since college…well a lot of weight. A whole crap load of weight. And most of my hair’s gone. And I still work at The Chicken Hut, and I’m divorced, and to be honest that threesome in 1999 was the last good sex I had, and I don’t even think it counts because there was a guy involved. Though he was so drunk that he just kind of watched. (I made it out to be more gay than it was because Rent was really popular and it just seemed cool) So anyway, the story of how I got you off at the Showcase Cinema is all I have left in a life that I sometimes feel is no longer worth living.

-Chris


from Jenjen98@gmail.com
to Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
date Sep 10, 2007 5:00 PM
subject Re: Hey

Chris,

Wow, I’m sooo sorry. I should have never brought it up. You’re right, I am a cunt. You can still tell the story if you want. Just not in front of my Grandma, or my husband , or any of my children. You can even include the line about me “biting my arm to keep from screaming” nobody has to know it was because of your sharp, untrimmed, fingernails.

~Jen


from Chrisrocks@hotmail.com
to Jenjen98@gmail.com
date Sep 10, 2007 5:02 PM
subject Awesome!

Jen,

Wow, thank you. Thank you so much! And sorry about the cunt thing. And the ugly thing. And the slimy vagina thing. (though those last too were true) Goooo Bobcats!
-Chirs