Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Your Textbooks Rewritten as Erotic Novels II
September 13, 2007
The melting ice trickled down the mountain’s spine, at once cool and warm, the sensation causing the mountain to gasp sublimated water vapor. The sun beat down on the trees, and the trees reveled in the sweet intersection of pain and pleasure, beginning to sweat. “Evapotranspiration,” whispered the sun, soft yet in control. The trees’ sweat droplets condensed, clinging to each other in a hazy airborne dance of lust. The clouds grew in the sky, trembling slightly, the tension unbearable – then, with a roar, they precipitated. Mother Nature got up to clean herself off, ready to start again.
Their love sounded so good on paper, but now Marx and Engels were faced with the reality of bare flesh pressed against bare flesh, their proletarian members waiting to be emancipated from the shackles of their capitalist trousers. Their role-playing grew vicious – “Exploit me! Alienate me!” screamed Engels as he rejected feudalist and capitalist ideals, surrendering himself to Marx’s bourgeois tyranny. At last, their love wasn’t just theoretical – they stared into each others’ eyes as the workers of their world united. Almost immediately afterward, they collapsed.
1. His approach : her bed :: Japanese planes :
2. Her legs : his torso :: drawbridge :
approaching seafaring vessel
3. His tongue : her Lotus flower :: Frodo :
4. Her orgasm : the neighbors :: Spring :
[excerpt from the last sentence of the last page]
…and she knew that after where she’d gone, she could never go back.
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