First things first, did you buy your books? Yes (0 points) I'm going to wait a couple weeks to see if I really need them (1 point) I'll just watch the movie before the final. Does anyone know where I can find "Psychology: Personal, Emotional and Social interactions" on VHS? (2 points) Books are a waste of money and, especially, time (3 points)
Do you plan to skip many classes this semester? No way, skipping class is like throwing my parents' money down the toilet (0 points) If I strategically skip a couple after tests it's no big deal (1 point) I accidentally scheduled my senior seminar at the same time as LOST, so a lot (2 points) Only if there's something more fun going on, like if my roommates are playing Smash Bros., I find a handle of vodka under my bed, or I just feel like sleeping (3 points)
Which of these is the most important to you? Maintaining a 4.0 GPA (0 points) Learning (1 point) Partying (2 points) Learning to juggle (3 points)
How smart are you? Really, really smart (0 points) Smart (1 points) Kinda smart (2 points) Not smart (3 points)
When going to class you bring: A fresh notebook and three pencils (0 points) The same binder you use for every class (1 point) Loose-leaf paper you found outside (2 points) A bong, brotha! (3 points)
Finish this sentence, Cheating is: Great. I'll do whatever it takes to succeed, even if that means murder (0 points) A real time saver (1 point) More effort than it's worth (2 points) Sweet! I've cheated on my girlfriend with, like, 100 different girls (3 points)
Which most closely resembles the works cited page on your last research paper? Simons, Henry P. "The Changing Role of Women in Aboriginal Culture." Journal of Native Studies 13.2 (1991): 53-65 (0 points) New York Times, May 19, 2007 (1 point) //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mimes (2 points) It's true. I read it on Ebay (3 points)
Do you ever spend time on collegehumor.com? yes! (3 points)
You scored: points
0 8 Points: Woah! Look at captain over-achiever here, passing all of his classes every semester. You probably think you're so smart, don't you. Guess what? While you were spending your nights working hard for that 2.5 GPA the rest of the world was out partying and learning valuable life lessons. That's right, you can't learn everything from a book, Bookie McNerdface. Why don't you just leave school during your junior year, start Microsoft and make a bajillion dollars, loser!
9 16 Points: You're probably going to fail one or two classes this semester. It's no big deal. Being on the five, six, or seven-year plan means you'll have a couple more years of fun while everyone else is being boring adults with real jobs.
17 24 Points: Why are you even wasting your parents' money on tuition? You're not going to pass anything. You'd probably have an extra $10,000 a year to spend on beer and weed if you just lived near a college and didn't enroll. Keep pretending to be a student, though. No one likes a townie, which you're going to be someday anyway.