Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Reasons Why I Can't Keep a Steady Girlfriend
September 17, 2007
Reasons Why I Can't Keep a Steady Girlfriend:
I answer the question "What are you thinking about?" and "What's your fantasy?" truthfully.
I find it ridiculous to write a Facebook post to anyone I have talked to in the last thirty minutes.
I have the song "Bitches Ain't Shit" on my ipod and refuse to acknowledge that "Hey, There Delilah" is "our" song.
I repeatedly misinterpret the word "sure" for "yes" and the phrase "Everything's fine" for "Everything's fine."
I quote movie lines slightly incorrect right before they are said.
I religiously pee in the shower.
My sex drive exponentially increases when I'm told that you're "trying to fall asleep."
I have confidence that Hallmark sums up my feelings pretty well.
I enjoy being alone some nights.
I laugh after thinking that the rhyme should be two in the pink, some of the pinky in the stink,
, "Crap!" Tap, tap, tap (footsteps).
I play the guitar poorly and often.
I can't stop, addicted to the shin dig.
I can't fall asleep if any part of anyone is touching me either directly or indirectly.
My pet names for you always involve your tits and some sort of candy. "Licorice Tits"
I would rather just give you 20 dollars cash than 20 dollars in a gift card.
I compare any problem we have to either an episode of Boy Meets World (Shawn and Corey) or Scrubs (JD and Turk).
I don't find it necessary to wash hands after onezies.
I believe that jeans are the only clothing item that can be worn for two months straight on a three day rotation and not be disgusting.
I stand by the ratio that two hours of Wii sports is equivalent to one hour of the real sport excluding bowling which is nearly a 1:1.
I define sleeping in as missing breakfast and some of lunch, not 9:00 A.M.
I'm pretty sure that I gave my crabs herpes
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.