Has this happened to you? You are standing at a bar minding your own business, and a gentleman comes up and starts talking to you. Before you know it, he offers to have you escort him outside! You have only seconds to decided if he is Gay and wants to make love inside you, or if he is a Pirate and wants to sell you into White Slavery. Here is a handy checklist to help you decide. Your life may depend on it.

1. Is he wearing a bandanna or a handkerchief?
2. Does he walk with a cocksure strut?
3. Has swabbing poop decks been mentioned?
4. Is he wearing colorful leggings?
5. Does he taste salty?
6. Is he adorned with jewels and rings?
7. Has he talked about run ins with the navy?
8. Is he wearing a shirt under his leather vest.
9. If he is wearing a shirt, is it covered in ruffles?
10. Can he last for months at a time without the company of women?

Answers these questions, and you should know what to do.