In honor of today being Benjamin Franklin's birthday, here are some little known facts:

  • As the 100th President of the United States, Franklin cast the deciding vote in the Roe v. Wade decision, declaring the turkey to be our national bird
  • In the War of 1812, Franklin single-handedly defended the Alamo from the invading Canadian army, using nothing but a Bowie knife and a cotton gin (both his own inventions).
  • As a child in 1776, Franklin cut down a cherry tree, fashioned a canoe out of the wood, and used that canoe to discover the Northwest Passage.
  • In 1929 Franklin wrote Poor Richard’s Almanack, the story of poor Richard Goad and his family, who, during the Great Depression traveled from the “Dust Bowl” to Hollywood, California, after striking oil in his backyard while hunting.
  • Franklin died in 1945 at Hiroshima, when after inventing the Atomic bomb, he insisted on riding the first one.
  • In 2012 Franklin invented time travel.
  • In 1942 Franklin stole fire from the Gods and gave it to America, which America promptly used to kill brown people.
  • Benjamin Franklin engineered the world’s first subway system in Boston, calling it the “Underground Railroad”. It was used to transport illegal tea to the Boston Harbor.
  • In 1492 Franklin organized the “Boston Tea Party”, where the first draft of the U.S. Constitution was written. So upset with the lack of freedom in the first draft, Franklin threw the parchment into the harbor in protest and wrote the Bill of Rights in his own blood.
  • Franklin was the first person to ever be named Benjamin, and the last.
  • Ben Franklin invented ass-to-mouth.