"People call me Les Stroud because I like the outdoors and always film myself."

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Ben Bailey?"

"I have a load fit to be hauled by Jay Westgard."

Unabashedly stare at her breasts. After she notices, throw a giant steel plate at her that reads "BUSTED."

"I want to do things to you that would make Mike Rowe blush."

"If I throw you in a frozen lake, will you take off your clothes?"

"Baby, you are so hot you make me want to piss on my shirt and wrap it around my head."

"I want to sleep with Kari Byron. Just wanted to throw that out there."

To a woman with very large breasts: "So, are those Survivorman or Man vs. Wild?"

"You're going to make me blow like Mentos in Diet Coke."

"If I'm going to catch crabs, it had better be narrated by Mike Rowe."