Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Sells Land With Wolves, A Native American Real Estate Agent
September 24, 2007
Sells Land With Wolves, we need to have a talk.
Call me, Sells Land.
Yes. Well. After your last couple of sales, I won't be calling you anything. You're fired.
Tell me why. Spare no detail.
Well, Sells Land, you know that three bedroom on Bancroft you just sold?
Fantastic place. Homey. Very quaint.
Yes well, we were hoping to get $495,000 for it. Do you remember how much
sold it for?
Not off hand, no.
And a wolf.
Right. Well, that's the third or fourth apartment you've sold for less than or equal to the value of a stamp.
And a wolf.
Yes, but, we honestly don't need three wolves. We don't even need
wolf. They're terrorizing the office!
(Real Estate boss opens door, a wolf is gnawing on the secretary, another one is xeroxing its butt. Sells Land chuckles.)
Well, I think it's too late for that. I mean, I'm looking over your record and I'm surprised you even lasted this long!
Well, here, look. On the fifth of last month you sold your entire apartment complex for $24!
And a wolf, yes. But. Come on, Sells Land! That was
apartment building. You had like 80 members of your tribe living there. Where are they going to live now?
We have some desert land in between Los Angeles and Las Vegas
Well the worst part is, that sale was finalized! So you can see the predicament we're in. That's over $70M in property we now owe these people.
Yes, very ouch. Anyway, we'd like you to pack up your stuff and go.
I have a meeting today at 10am though.
The one with the businessman who is interested in buying every square inch between Louisiana and Oregon?
Yes well, we've canceled on him. Luckily.
Are you going to finish that cupcake?
I already did. It's just a wrapper.
I use all parts of the pastry. Spare nothing.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.