On the way to Dinner:
No those pants don't make you look fat, but they don't help any and I think the stitching is coming loose there.
Fuck me. Psssh as if you'd put out after I said that.
After she gets back from a trip:
What do you mean you weren't here this week, no wonder why it was so quite.
Do did you have a nice trip. "Feed the cat". What cat?
So that was your roommate in your bed last night .oops.
Yes I had a great time too Mrs. Smith. God I hope you don't turn out to look like your mother.
Fine I will go to hell. Hell the strip club
What do mean "are you wearing a condom?" Why do i have to wear one when you are on birth control. How was I supposed to know your birth control ran out.
God I hate kids, hey what does the positive sign on this stick mean?
Yeah he does have my eyes .so I think we should break up now.
50 years and you let me go to bed in peace (next morning) Honey .well I just slept with a dead person.