1. He does not have a sweet recipe for tacos, salsa, or any stereotypical Spanish dish
  2. He does not personally know Juan Valdez.
  3. Juan Valdez is not a real person.
  4. Columbia and Mexico are not the same place.
  5. Columbia and Cuba are not the same place.
  6. He’s from Colombia, not Columbia.
  7. He is not part Aztec.
  8. He does not live in fear of Castro hunting him down and bringing him back home.
  9. His Padre (Father) was not friends with Che Guevara.
  10. He prefers to call him “Dad” rather than “Padre”
  11. Mexican and Colombian are not the same thing.
  12. He has never trafficked exotic fruits and/or hashish over the border.
  13. He does not own a poncho.
  14. He does not own a sombrero.
  15. He does not enjoy napping on street corners with aforementioned poncho and sombrero.
  16. He has never aspired to be in Menudo.
  17. He is not a skilled cigar roller.
  18. He hates it when you refer to as “maize”. The same goes for “maize-dogs”, “maize chips”, and “maize-a-copia”.
  19. The double-L in “Tortilla” is silent.
  20. He is not Mexican.