Now that school is all good and started, I realize that I’ve been making many promises to myself. After thinking these through, I also realized that I lie to myself more than a stripper that says shes just stripping in order to pay her way through college. So for your convenience I have compiled a list of things that I say that I will do, but the chances of them ever happening will be less likely than us ever winning the war on terror.

Drinking: What I say will happen:

“Yea guys, I don’t think I’m going to drink much this year. I mean, I’m

kinda over the whole, ‘getting bombed and making poor choices’. This

year I just want to get it done and have a good gpa. If I do drink it’ll be

only on the weekend, I just hate feeling like shit all week.

What will really happen:

After the first night of classes starting, I’ll be asked to play some madden

and kick a couple of brews. A couple of brews will eventually turn into

some shots of patron from the bottle that I just HAD to have because the

ying yang twins rap about it. After getting good and retarded ill get a

phone call……did I say get a phone call? I meant make a million phone

calls calling everybody in the whitewater zip code asking if they want to

goto the bars. After everybody telling me that they cant because they have

early classes the next day, I will take matters into my own hands and goto

the bars all by my lonesome. After the bar tenders stop serving me

ill fall out of the bar and eventually end up in the dorms……lost. I will

eventually wake up with a wet shirt and probally have missed all my

morning classes because I will have woken up at 4pm.

Studying: What I say will happen:

“Yea, I cant do anything tonight, I have to stay in and study for this test I

have tomorrow. Yea I know it sucks, I mean it IS Thursday, but hey, I

cant waste my parents money forever.”

What will really happen:

I’ll probally walk around the house holding a book that’s probally not

even for the right class, then I’ll sit my black ass down on one of our 6

comfortable couches and sit and watch tv for a couple hours. After doing

this, I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished a ton and want to reward myself for

all of my hard work. My reward will consist of a twix and a diet mountain

dew……and then I’d probally go out.

Nutrition: What I say will happen:

“I think Im really going to start eating healthy. Im going to cook a well

balanced meal 1 time a day and exersize. As a matter of fact, I’m going to

goto the gym and get my gym pass. I really want some nice tight abs, and

possibly fill my arms out a little more. I know I said that I was going to

do this last year, but I was really busy last year with stuff n’ shit.”

What will really happen:

I’ll probally end up eating lean pockets everyday for the rest of my life.

As for exercise…..I’ll probally skate once a month, then tell myself that I

Cant wait for winter to come so I can go snowboard. After the first

Snowfall, ill run home grab my board, then bring it to school where I will

Have it sit and collect dust. Everyday ill tell myself that I would totally go

Snowboarding if it wasn’t so fucking cold.

Money: What I say will happen:

“Alright, I have all my money in line. I did a pretty good job of saving

From my job. I think I can live off $100 for the first semester. Yea, shit

will work out. I mean worst come to worst, I’ll just pick up a job around


What will really happen:

“Hey wanna go get something to eat? Lets go golf. Lets drink tonight, I’ll

Go pick up the bottle of patron. Wanna goto the bars also? I’ll buy a

Round for the whole bar. Shit Im starving, lets get some toppersticks?”

then run out of money after two days and tell people that I would totally

Go have fun, but I’m super broke. Then there will be a conversation

similar to this: “Nick, why don’t you get a job.”

“Meh, I still have like $6.50 that I can live off.”