Season Two, Episode One

Okay, so how awesome was the beginning of season two? I have to admit that after watching the Ice Truck Killer tilted upside down getting drained of his blood in the last season, I thought the plotline would have to suffer at least a little this season. But as usual, I was wrong.

The final episode last year ended with Dexter killing his own brother who turned out to be both the elusive Ice Truck Killer and Dexter’s long lost brother. I really hope Debra found some time for counseling in between seasons because that sort of experience could really mess with one’s head.

We start the episode learning that Dexter has no time to kill lately because in addition to living with sister Debra, he is now being obsessively tailed by the curious Sgt. Doakes. We assume Dexter will find a way around this slight complication or it will end up being a pretty short season. Meanwhile, Dexter has joined a bowling team in an attempt to act “normal.” After all, every forensics department has one. In a related note, I would give my first-born’s left nut for one of those punny ‘Bowl Till You Bleed’ bowling shirts.

The first victim of the new season is… a blind man! Sure it may seem a little bush league, but we’ll take it. It should be a great way for him to get his fix for the first time since taking out that sneaky douchebag serial killer who was screwing his sister, right? WRONG. He has Jimmy, the blind voo doo guy all tied up and ready to execute when, for the first time we see a nervous Dexter. We see another thing we’ve never seen of Dexter: he lets a victim go free. It’s not a huge deal since Jimmy would make a pretty poor eyewitness; the police could put Dexter in a lineup next to four mailboxes and he would still only have a 20% chance of being fingered. But still, it’s troubling to think Dexter may be losing his game and starting to feel real feelings.

The funniest part of the entire episode occurs in this scene when Dexter is preparing to drive a generously sized machete into Jimmy’s chest when he begins his creepy devil schtick, which Dexter interrupts with a gentle slap to the nose.

I never noticed how hot Dexter’s girlfriend Rita was until she took off all of her clothes! She always seemed like boring, damaged goods but man alive – her rack is almost nicer than Doakes’. The issue more important to the plot here is that Dex can’t get it up! Looks like there will be no awkward, abused, rape victim sex this episode. Maybe next time.

I was almost beginning to forget about Rita’s abusive ex-husband, Paul. But then we saw Rita’s kids visiting him in prison playing some imaginary board game that he pulled out of his ass. According to Paul, he’s getting that same ass kicked regularly in jail but he might be able to get out if he can prove that Dexter framed him. However, Rita is smart and doesn’t want to involve Dexter or have anything to do with Paul so she hears nothing of it.

For the first time, we see a bit of the new Lieutenant who took over for Laguerta towards the end of last season. She’s having a fight with her fiance in the office who may or not be Ben Harper. Either way, she’s always been kind of a bitch and I’m not really ready to like her yet.

Moving on.

Team ‘Bowl Till You Bleed’ finds a gang banger’s body down by the water and according to the corpse’s widow, he was killed by the gang leader, Little Chino. The 5-year old daughter then makes her way to the crime scene (seriously, try keeping the toddler at least ten yards from her butchered father?), where she pretty much convinces Dexter to kill the man who murdered her father, simply by batting her eyes and being really cute.
It turns out that the name Little Chino is quite possibly the worst nickname ever because the man runs at least eight feet tall and looks like he just swallowed Mark McGwire.

It is at this same crime scene where Deb’s psychological state is tested for the first time when some guys with cameras refer to her as Mrs. Ice Truck Killer and ask her to “look scared for the camera.” She took it quite well where as I probably would have just shot them in the face. Later she flipped her shit and broke some guy’s nose in a bar, but you probably would’ve done the same if the guy you were banging ended up being the hooker slayer you had been investigating every day at work. Give the woman a break.

Dexter is still looking for his first victim of the season and soon enough has Little Chino strapped to the table in front of him. But as soon as you see him get jittery and slice half of Chino’s face off, you are pretty sure you know what’s going to happen. Then, as soon as you see Chino’s enraged eyelids blink open, you definitely know what’s going to happen.

Chino breaks free of the table like he was being held down by a pile of elegant doilies and is out the door. This will cause a much bigger problem than letting a skinny blind guy go free because now there is definitely one person who knows what Dexter looks like and he is arguably the most dangerous man in the city. That’s where this scene ends but I felt the writers really missed out on a gem by not showing a gigantic, naked Hispanic man running through the streets with his cheek flapping in the wind. Cross your fingers for a deleted scene on the DVD.

The random plot advancement of the episode occurs when two divers stumble upon a bag filled with random body parts. As they freak out and swim back to the surface, the camera pans out to reveal Dexter’s underwater graveyard of every victim he has killed and dumped into the ocean. Why wasn’t Dexter a little more careful instead of dumping all of his victims’ bodies in a spot that is apparently located next to buried treasure? Unfortunately for him, that is exactly what he did and now it’s all over the news. You have to think this will make it a little harder for him to go out and get his kill on. At the end of the episode when he learns of the discovery, he seems pretty excited to be faced with a new challenge of not getting caught, which is perhaps what he needs at this point.

Dexter goes over to Rita’s where the prison has just informed her of Paul’s death. Paul is dead! I wasn’t sad at all that he got beaten to death; after all, he was a junkie rapist who could have eventually uncovered Dexter's secret. Expect some tension in Dexter and Rita’s relationship now that she knows she could have helped Paul and may be starting to suspect Dexter of not being who she thinks.

The trouble with every Dexter episode is that each one turns into a bigger cocktease than the last. Will Little Chino go after Dexter? Will the discovery of Dexter’s victims hinder his future killings? Will Dex get over his anxiety issues when it comes time to kill someone? Will Rita start suspecting things of Dexter? Will his bowling score improve? Will I find a more effective way of ending this column instead of asking endless questions?

We’ll find out next week!